What Money Can Buy

This is supposedly a Chinese Proverb. I received it from my boss, but I did no research on it. Quite frankly I don't have the time. But I liked the sentiment, so even if it is NOT what it claims, the words are no less true.

With money you can buy a house, but not a home.
With money you can buy a clock, but not time.
With money you can buy a bed, but not sleep.
With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge.
With money you can see a doctor, but not good health.
With money you can buy a position, but not respect.
With money you can buy blood, but not life.
With money you can buy sex, but not love.
With money you can buy charms, but not luck.

Some people seem to think they are superior to others. Some think they have more money, more talent, more intelligence, more control. But in the end, no one has control; money doesn't buy the things you really need, and talent and intelligence don't matter, if you don't use them correctly. It's a hard lesson...a sad lesson.

I know some people who are going through some nasty shit right now. Some of these people I like very much, and some I don't like at all, but I still feel bad for all of their nasty shit. Somehow, when I read these words, and I think about said nasty shit, there is a connection.

For what it's worth, regardless of my personal feelings about these individuals, I hope they find what they need, be it answers, happiness, health or peace.

The Trouble With Anonymity and Careers

I have been having trouble writing since my change of venue. It is the paranoia. This situation has been less than pleasant, and the fear of going through it again has kept me tongue tied. I am so sure I am going to say something wrong, and be caught doing it, that I can't say anything at all.

But I need to get over it. I miss the release this writing brings, and I miss the connection with the few readers out there. So I will plug on, probably revealing enough of myself in the process so that someone could find me, if they were smart and alert. I just need to not discuss certain individuals and hopefully, things will be fine.

So onto the purpose of this post. I have been job hunting, and as part of this process, considering a relocation. This process is very stressful, and I want it over and done. So I made a deal with myself that now I was down to three viable options, I would go with whichever option seemed the best at the end of this process.

BUT...that was before one option came back ridiculously low, and the second option is taking a frustratingly long time making a decision. In fact, they have been so unprofessional, I want to call them and tell them to piss off without an offer in hand...but of course I have NOT done that. The third option is good, but I just have this inexplicably negative vibe from them. It is probably nothing, but I can't shake it. Still, I had just about made up my mind that that was the option I was taking...the one option that did not involve a relocation.

But then this morning, a source I thought had dried up, called me to explore some additional opportunities, and now I don't quite know what to do.

See, the timing of this thing is getting dicey. My current option gave me their offer at the end of May. I have been keeping them dangling along for nearly two months, while I explored these other things. I don't think I can fairly keep them hanging for much longer...certainly not long enough to explore these other possibilities. And what if these new possibilities don't work out, either, and I have lost my best option?

So what do I do? Should I be true to my initial promise to myself, and let this option fall out as the one I will take, or should I take it as a sign that these new options have come my way?

I should mention that I have a job, and they are not pushing me out the door. In fact, I am sure they would be happy for me to stay as long as I wanted, but the problem is, this job is not going anywhere. So if I give up the best option, it won't be as if I am unemployed. I will have just pissed off my headhunter to no end, and will be stuck in this dead end job, with no future help from her.

Hmmmmm. I am completely at a loss here people. I am paralyzed with fear of making the wrong choice. What do I do next? I know I have to make this decision on my own, and that you can't really help me...but what? What?

The Blogger Protection Program

I have resurfaced, but as a new member of the blogger protection program, my name and identity have been changed to protect the...well, me.

I had a blog once before, that became infiltrated by people I did not want reading it. The trials of that episode continue. I cannot link to that blog in any way, lest I be discoverd.

So now here I am...a new woman. Changed both figuratively and literally.

My new name is the name that would have been my actual name, had I been born a few years later. I live somewhere in the U.S., and I work in a professional environment at a firm I will call Dimple, Unitas and Harold (affectionately known as DUH). I have a husband, whom I will call my Chosen One (CO), three kids, Orin, Marvin and Yute (oldest, middle and youngest).

Many things about my character have been called into question this week. It has been an interesting time of introspection. I have come to the astonishing conclusion that I am not perfect (okay, not so astonishing really, but...). I have flaws and weaknesses and insecurities that I occasionally try to hide with humor and sarcasm, if not outright denial. I am outspoken and opinionated. Even though I am generally considered a smart person, I sometimes do stupid things.

But I can also be kind and compassionate. I am loyal to those I think are deserving of it, and I am forgiving of those I think are deserving of it (the criteria for which is usually an apology). I am capable of love and affection, and am generally honest about my thoughts and feelings...even when these are negative. I have, and would, make sacrifices for people I love.

I believe in minimizing hypocrisy, but I don't believe anyone can eliminate it entirely. I set standards for myself and others, that I often fail to achieve myself. We all make mistakes, but I admit when I am wrong (although it is a rare, rare occasion...insert wink here), and I apologize when I should.

I make fun of people in my blogs...but the person who takes the brunt of my abuse is myself. I also get angry in my blogs, and if you are on the receiving end of that anger, you have likely done something for which you should apologize. But, I also write kind, heartfelt things about the people I care about. Each of these things is as true as the next. They are not mutually exclusive. Just because a person does something I can find humor in, or something that makes me angry, does not mean that they don't do good things that can make me smile as well.

And I believe this applies to myself, too. I do things people laugh at (but I can usually laugh at myself, so very little humor offends me), and I do things to make them mad. I don't think this should undo or outweigh any good things I have done.

I don't think these traits make me too different from anyone else. No better...no worse. Nor do I claim my opinions, thoughts or feelings are better than anyone else's. They just are what they are.

One last item...this blog will be made up of my words, and my words alone. If I quote someone, then they said it, but all other thoughts and opinions are solely mine. I don't claim that anyone else shares them. If you don't like something I say, or disagree with my position, feel free to comment, or to stop reading. The choice is yours. This is an exercise in free speech, so nothing anyone says here is wrong.

I will probably regret this at some point, given recent history, but I will invite some people I know to read this blog. I want it, however, to be untraceable to me (if you know what happened before, then you will understand why). If you comment, please don't use my name, or any of my family members names in your commentary. For this reason, all comments will now go into moderation before being published. I am not trying to silence your voice. If no proper names are used (other than your own), then I will publish your comment, even if I don't agree with it.

Are we good? Good. And speaking of good...it's good to be back.