Christmas Presents

December 26th...a present in itself. I needed to come back to work to get a break. I have spent the last four days on my feet, running around, cooking, cleaning, etc. I am exhausted!

But still, it was a strange but wonderful Christmas.

Strange, because this was the first Christmas in my entire life that I haven't spent at least some time with my parents. They recently moved to the Midwest, and traveling west for Christmas was not an option. It was odd, not having them here, and there was a definite hole in the festivities, but I was grateful to know that this was not a permanent absence. It isn't as if they have died, and we will never spend Christmas together again. I know many people who are in that place, so it would be selfish of me to be too whiny over one little year. My grandfather was here, which helped. It still felt like my family was around me, but it wasn't the same.

Yet it was wonderful in it's own way.

My nearly two year old granddaughter was a complete joy. She was so fun with the presents...everything was a thrill for her, and consequently, us. She even got a thrill out of our presents. When CO opened his Guitar Hero III, she took one look at that guitar controller and said "Papa rocks!"

Uhm, he doesn't, by the way. We all pretty much suck at that game.

But his granddaughter thinks he does, and that is all that matters.

As for me, I got many fantastic gifts...a plane ticket to see my parents, money, thoughtful gifts from my boys. But the one I am especially thankful for, is the one I received from my in-laws. For the first time since the incident, they treated me as if it had never happened. I was warmly welcomed, and included, and...forgiven. That is a gift I feared I would never receive, and one I wondered if I even deserved. At any rate, it is the best gift they have ever given me, and I am thankful for it.

Now if we can only work through the issues that started the incident to begin with. Hmmm, maybe next year.

Oh, and I also got annual passes to the Happiest Place on Earth. Who couldn't love that?

I take it back. Papa does rock!

Tis the Season

...to be behind as usual.

I am not done shopping. I've barely started wrapping. My oven has not been turned on once for the baking of a single cookie.

I long for those wonderful childhood days when the holidays were nothing but fun. The gifts were shopped, wrapped and paid for by someone else. The food was bought, cooked and set out by someone else. The house was decorated and cleaned by someone else. All you had to do was show up, eat, open and play. And, you had two weeks off to boot! You didn't need it, of course, but you had it. Ahhh...the good old days!

Well since I can't go back, I must go forward, which leaves me no time to blog. So until December 26th or so, Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, and Wondrous Holiday of Choice to you all! May you find a bit of those carefree childhood days in the season.

As Discussed At Yesterday's Conference

I had to attend a conference yesterday to keep me apprised of all the changes in my profession from year to year. Anyway, this conversation quietly took place as the speaker droned on, and I had to share:

MM: "Speaker looks kind of crazy this year. Is his hair different?"

C: "I think so. He's got that Einstein thing going on the sides there."

MM: "What's with the comb over? Is that new?"

C: "For the sake of the conversation, let's say it is."

MM: "I think it is. I seriously don't remember it from last year. He must have a new girlfriend. That, or he is banging his assistant."

C: "He already mentioned his wife, and their plans to visit the grandkids at Christmas."

MM: "Well that doesn't rule out the assistant theory. His wife can't possibly like the comb over."

C: "No one does."

Our minds go a little crazy when left to their own devices for too long. But I do have to ask...what is the deal with the comb over? Seriously? What?

Do these men really think it looks good? Do they think we are fooled? Do they think we think they have a head full of hair, and not just one long strand wrapped around their head seven times? I just want to understand.

There is nothing wrong with bald, gentlemen. Seriously. There are some very hot men with shaved heads, so just embrace it. It is so much better...SO MUCH BETTER...than the comb over. I cannot stress this enough.

Stop with the comb over. Just. Stop.

A New Christmas Carol

It's the Christmas season, and I really do love this time of year. There is one thing, however, that is bad enough the rest of the year, and gets even worse at Christmas. What is it you ask? Oh, let me tell you in a song (language alert!):

Oh the traffic outside is frightful,
and to set fire to the jerk who just cut me off would be delightful,
but so since I've no flame to throw,
fucking go...fucking go...fucking go.

It doesn't show signs of stopping,
and I've got no gun for popping.
You couldn't move any more slow,
fucking go...fucking go...fucking go.

When I finally get a green light,
how I hate trying to make through the swarm
but if you would just fucking drive right,
I'd get all the way home while dinner is still warm.

The traffic is never dying,
and I feel like I might start crying,
But you're still in front of me, so
I wish you'd fucking go...fucking go...fucking go.

Just fucking go...fucking go...fucking go.

Seriously already, GO! Stop talking on your cell phone, making your list and checking it twice, putting stamps on your Christmas cards, or whatever the hell it is that has your driving like an ass! JUST GO!

Musical Mixology

Welcome to another iTunes for Tuesday. In the spirit of the many holiday parties on tap for this week, my theme is...Musical Mixology. Name that cocktail!

1) If your "heater's broke" and your "so tired", and you "need some fuel to build a fire", what time is it again?

2) If you're "beggin' on my knees, baby won't you please run your fingers though my hair," what two drinks make you feel so fine? Whiskey and rye (Lori got it!)

3) If you "took off for a weekend last month just to try and recall the whole year," who did you run into, and what did you wind up drinkin' all night? You ran into a chum with a bottle of rum(Ken got this!)

4) If it's a "family tradition" to be "singin' all night long," what two things you love tried to kill you in 1973? Ladies and Jim Beam (Cullen got this!)

5) If you've got "friends in low places", what two drinks chase the blues away? Bonus question: what drink did you take from the guy with the fear in his eye? The whiskey drowns and the beer chases the blues away. The bonus question - the drink you took, was a glass of champaigne (Cullen got the main part of the question. I'm sure he knew the bonus question too, but he forgot to share.)

6) If you're "just a hired hand workin' on the dreams" you "planned to try," what "shot of courage" are you taking. Tequila Sunrise (Lori again!)

7) What drink makes you "feel so fine", and keeps you "rockin' all of the time"? Red Red Wine (Cullen again)

8) What do you drink during "those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer?" Soda and pretzels & BEER (Ken again)

9) If "the other night" you "laid sleeping" and then "woke from a terrible dream" what two "pals" did you catch up with? Jack Daniels and his partner Jimmy Beam (Ken)

10) If you "took all of his money" and you "brought it home to Molly," what is in the jar? There's whisky in the jar-o (Cullen)

Bonus Question: The ultimate drinking song: "Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear" what three drinks do I want? I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer (Ken)

Feel free to enjoy one of these beverages...or add your own question!

Simple Gestures

On Saturday CO and I were out Christmas shopping, and stopped to get some lunch. The restaurant was crowded, so we had to wait for a seat. We were having a successful day, and I was feeling cheerful and festive.

While we waited, a woman in her early thirties came in with an elderly woman and a baby. They sat near us while waiting for their own table. I heard the woman call the older lady "grandma", and I watched as the older woman played with the baby, obviously her great-granddaughter.

My own grandma passed away nearly three years ago. Although she had been ill for many years, her life wasn't immediately threatened, and her death was a bit of a surprise. While there is never a good time for these things, this happened very late in January, and for those of you who know my profession, you realize the timing was really, really bad.

I was very close to my grandma. She adored me. I was her only grandchild, and I rarely did anything wrong, as far as she was concerned. While I know (believe me, I KNOW) I am not perfect, it was nice to have someone around who thought I was. The rest of my family, they love me, of course, but they are a little more realistic about my, uhm, perfection status.

Anyway, she adored me, and I adored her. I don't know how other people saw her. I know she could be picky and demanding and a challenge to deal with...for other people. But not as much for me. I think I saw a side of her few others ever saw. If others saw her as frugal, where I was concerned, she was unfailingly generous with both time and money. If others saw her as cool or distant, with me she was nothing but warmth and love. If others saw her as difficult to please, well, I had very little problem with this. I already mentioned the perfection, didn't I? From my perspective, she was the best grandma anyone ever had.

Her loss was terribly difficult for me. But I had to hold up for my mom, and my grandpa. Although they were doing remarkably well themselves, I felt like I had to hold up for them, or with them, or something. Likewise for my boys. Although she was not their biological great-grandmother, she loved them as if she were, and she did more for them than others with those biological ties*. Also, they had very little experience with death at this point, so I felt I had to hold up for them as well.

So I kept it in. All that emotion. All that loss. I kept it in. I planned to find my own quiet alone time once we got back home, when I could let it all out.

But I got home, and work got crazy, and I just didn't have time for all of that. To make matters worse, CO and I were having some marital problems during that period, and I was having a to keep all of those emotions in check too, so I could get some work done. Whenever a hint of an emotion threatened, I could almost visualize myself stuffing it all in a little box, turning a small gold key in a lock, and packing the box away beneath bigger, heavier boxes that needed more urgent attention.

I figured I would face it eventually, when things calmed down. Which, of course, they did. April came, and work eased up, and CO and I went to a marriage counselor, and we all came out the other side.

That May I went to see my grandma's grave. I expected that to be the time when the emotions finally came. But they didn't. It felt too disconnected. That cold headstone had my grandma's name on it, sure, but it had nothing to do with her. She wasn't there. And I had gotten so good at packing that box, it was easy to do it once again. And again. And again.

Her birthday, the first holiday season without her, the anniversary of her death. These were all difficult days, but still the flood of emotions I was expecting never came, and somewhere along the way, I had stopped expecting them.

If I let myself think about it too much, I thought I had failed her somehow. What kind of a testament to her, to my love for her, to my relationship with her, was all this stoicism? But regardless, stoic I stayed.

Then, nearly three years later, CO and I are innocently waiting for a table, and in walks this woman with her grandma and her daughter, and I am watching them interact. It was lovely to see them together, and feel the warmth of family and the holiday season. It made me smile.

Then the woman reached out and took her grandmother's hand. Such a simple, beautiful gesture. And I began to cry. Right in the middle of the restaurant, completely unexpectedly, I began to cry.

CO looked over, astonished, and before he could ask what was wrong, I held up my hand and said "Don't ask me now." I couldn't speak. I could barely breathe.

That box...the one that had been under lock and key for nearly three years...the one I was saving for a quiet, alone time, had inexplicably sprung open by the witnessing of a simple gesture between two total strangers.

This will be our third Christmas without her, and suddenly I missed her so much, I couldn't stand it. I thought of how much she joy she would have had in my little granddaughter, who will never know her, and the remarkable woman she was. I thought about the fact that I will never again reach out and take her hand. And for several long, painful moments, I fought to compose myself in the middle of the restaurant.

I got it together, and CO continued our day in relatively high spirits, but I am still fighting a residual sadness that I had not allowed myself to feel before. A sadness I never expected this late in the game. A sadness I thought I had conquered already. A sadness that, I guess, will never really go away, and can spring up at the most unexpected times, for the most unexpected reasons.

I guess simple gestures are never all that simple.


(*In case anyone is keeping score, this is not a slam at my in-laws in any way, but at the boys' maternal grandparents. Thought I better throw that out there, just in case. You never know.)

The Surprise 25...or Another Music Post

But this one is not a guess the lyrics or trivia thing. It was just a strange realization thing.

My iPod has this "smart playlist" feature that tells you the 25 most played songs on your iPod. I have had my iPod for almost a year, and had never looked at that playlist before, but something possessed me to open it the other day.

I was truly surprised by some of the songs that showed up there. If you asked me, I probably would not have included most of these songs in a list of my favorites. It was strange to realize I listened to them that much.

The list (in order):

1) Don't Worry Baby, The Beach Boys
2) Neon Moon, Brooks and Dunn
3) Chantilly Lace, Big Bopper
4) Wave on Wave, Pat Green
5) Nights on Broadway, Bee Gees
6) Remember When, Alan Jackson
7) Carefree Highway, Gordon Lightfoot
8) Weekend in New England, Barry Manilow
9) You Needed Me, Anne Murray
10) Nine Tonight, Bob Seger
11) Baby-I'm-A Want You, Bread
12) If I Should Fall Behind, Bruce Springsteen
13) All Through the Night, Cyndi Lauper
14) I Don't Need You, Kenny Rogers
15) Young and Innocent, Elefante
16) Johnny B. Goode, Chuck Berry
17) All My Little Words, The Magnetic Fields
18) Only the Good Die Young, Billy Joel
19) Better Days, Bruce Springsteen
20) Tiny Dancer, Elton John
21) Suspicious Minds, Elvis Presley
22) Do You Wanna Touch Me?, Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
23) If You Know What I Mean, Neil Diamond
24) Rave On, Buddy Holly
25) Time of the Season, The Zombies

So there it is. I find it strange to look upon. And I wonder, what does this list say about me?

If you were to ask me, I'd tell you I am not a country music fan. I truly believe this to be true. Yet there are 5 country songs on this list...including numbers 2, 4 and 6. I am telling you, I am shocked by this revelation!

Also, there is way more "easy listening" type stuff than I would ever admit to listening to in real life. My only explanation is that I listen to my iPod primarily at work, a place where I often need to chill.

I am not surprised to find that only two songs on the list are from the last decade. I like the old stuff. 5 or 6 of these songs were released before I was even born. Many are form the 70's, which is my favorite musical decade. A few are from my high school years, and bring back all those memories. Speaking of memories...7 of these remind me of CO...and 1 is even our wedding song. 1 song reminds me of my parents.

I am surprised there are no songs that remind me of my college years on here. I look back on that period of my life, and the music that reminds me of it, with tremendous fondness. I would have expected to see something of that here.

I am also a little curious as to why 1 song that reminds me of an ex-boyfriend is on here? I don't recall thinking of him overly much in the last year. It must be subliminal. I won't share that part with CO ;)

So what is on your most played list? Are they your favorites, or were you equally surprised?

iTunes Tuesday - Who's that Girl?

Back on track. Don't expect it to last. Here are today's plays. I am going with another theme this week...girl's names in songs. This theme can last for weeks I'm sure.

So, uhm, who's that girl?

1) You knew her when she had no one to talk to. Now she's moving in high society, you say, "don't forget, I know secrets about you." Who's that girl that left you hanging on the line? No one got this one...the answer is Baby Jane

2) You went to a dance. looking for romance. Who's the girl you saw that you thought you'd take a chance on? Barbara Ann (Joel)

3) You want her to ask her ma-ama if she can come out with her red dress on. Who is that girl that looks so fine? Sherry (Nightfly)

4) You aren't like the others before, even though you saw her name and number on the wall. Who's that girl who that makes you so happy? Bonus question: What is her number? Jenny...Bonus question: 867-5309 (Joel)

5) Good times never seemed so good. Who is that sweet girl? Caroline (Joel)

6) She rings like a bell through the night. Wouldn't you love to love who? Rhiannon (Nightfly)

7) She's got baby hair with a woman's eyes. Who can you feel watching in the night? Sara (Nightfly...who was quite right. This is NOT the same girl with storms brewing in her eyes, NOR is this the same girl who was the poet in my heart)

8) You should have known it from the very start. This girl will leave you with a broken heart. Who should you keep away from? Runaround Sue (Joel)

9) She's says that she''ll be true. Who will never leave you blue? Suzie Q (Ken)

10) You met her in a bar in Toledo, across from the depot. Who was that beauty? Lucille (Joel...and my lovely friend Alice, who was too shy to comment, but instant messaged me instead. Since when are YOU TOO SHY?)

Ken also claimed to know several of these, but as he was kind enough to leave them for others to guess, we have no proof. With his impressive muscial knowledge, I'm buying what he's selling!

Feel free to post some of your own! There must be TONS!

Dreaming of the Dead

This morning I read this beautiful post, (please read it...it is wonderfully touching) and I was struck with a memory.

The writer above had a dream about a loved one who had died. She wondered at the time, and in her post, if the dead could visit us in our sleep. She was told they couldn't, but doesn't believe that is true. Neither do I.

In March of 1993, a friend of mine committed suicide. I had once been very close to him, seeing him every day, and spending huge amounts of my free time with him. But as life took us down our variant and divergent paths...I left for college, he stayed...we inevitably drifted into separateness. Of course that never diminished my feeling for, or memories of him.

I remember clearly. My mom called me at work, and asked if I was sitting down. She gave me the news that the night before, distraught over a failed relationship, and God knows what else, he shot himself in the head in his car, in the driveway of his former girlfriend's home.

This was not my first experience with death, or even suicide, as another high school classmate of mine had taken his own life at the age of fifteen. But I had known that individual only peripherally. In other words, I hadn't really known him. Not like this friend, with whom I had shared so many hours, and stories, and experiences, and memories. Not like this friend whom I had loved. So while this was not my first experience with this terrible thing, it felt like it was. I had no earthly idea how to understand or accept what had happened.

For days I walked around in a fog of confusion. After the funeral, I resumed my "normal" life, only to find that what had been normal, would never be quite the same again. Each new loss is a pain you carry with you, and while you learn to laugh again, the pain is always there somewhere...a part of you now. And this one was especially sharp...one of the "special gifts" of a suicide related death.

When someone elderly dies, you can be grateful for the long life they have had, and the accomplishments they have made. While the loss is still difficult, there is understanding and acceptance. Often, when they have been ill, there is even relief that their suffering has ended, and you can turn your memory back to a time when they were healthy and vital. When a young person dies, it is difficult to feel any gratitude.

Especially when it was was a perfectly healthy person who selfishly and deliberately took his own life.

Another "special gift" of the suicide related death...anger. And guilt. And anger again. Of course a person may experience some of this with any death, but not to the same degree.

There is not a more terrible thing you can do to the people who love you, than take your own life. The anger that I felt for my once dear friend during the days after his death, as I watched his parents suffer horribly, was surprising to me. I hadn't known to expect it.

Then I felt the guilt kick in. He was obviously in pain. He wasn't thinking clearly. It wasn't his fault.

And then the anger was back. If it wasn't his fault, then whose was it? Not the ex-girlfriend. Granted, I was not her biggest fan, but she was unhappy in their relationship, and she should have been allowed to end it...without that consequence. No one deserves that. The punishment simply did not fit the crime.

And then the guilt again. If I had only been a better friend, stayed in touch like I should have, I could have made him see that his pain was temporary. I could have helped him. His other friends could have helped him. His parents could have helped him.

And then the anger once more. Why didn't he let someone help him? Why?

The part that makes you most angry...you will never know the answer to that single, solitary and oh, so important question. WHY? The only person with the answer, took it with them. And that is the most selfish thing of all...leaving everyone to wonder why.

So I wrestled with this roller coaster of emotions for a few months. I made a few visits to a therapist. I talked with others who knew him, and were experiencing similar things. Nothing really helped.

Then one night, I had a dream. After his funeral, a bunch of his friends had gone out to dinner together. It was far from a celebration of his life, more just an unwillingness to be alone with our thoughts and fears and feelings. But in the dream, we were back at that dinner, and this time, it was more celebratory. This time our friend was there with us. We shared memories and told stories, as it had once been in life. We laughed and drank and enjoyed our time together. There was no saddness...maybe just a bit of melencholy.

Then, at the end of the dinner, my friend, who was sitting next to me, touched my arm. I could actually feel the pressure and warmth of his hand. He looked me in the eye, smiled and said, "I have to go."

"Wait!" I said, and tired to pull him back. "Stay. We're not finished here."

"I am finished, and I have to go," he insisted.

"But, why?" I asked the question I had longed to ask.

He never answered it. He just gave me his familiar smile and said, "I'm going to be alright. This is the way it is supposed to be." And he left.

I woke up in tears, but feeling more at peace than I had since my phone rang that fateful March day. I know he never told me why, but he told me something. It was as if he knew how much I was struggling, and he found a way to come back and tell me to let it go...to let him go.

This is the way it was supposed to be. He was going to be alright.

I have believed that every second of every day since the dream. This is the way it was supposed to be. He was going to be alright. The pain, anger and guilt have diminished to only the residual pieces, that will remain a part of who I am until I, too, cease to be. I can certainly touch them, on occasions such as this, but they no longer rule my life.

While I accept the possibility that this was simply my subconscious working things out, I have never stopped believing that he really did visit me, to bring me peace. I could never bring myself to share this story with his parents. I only hope he visited them as well.

I have since known two people who have taken their own lives...one was my friend's brother, whom I had known since he was a toddler, and another was a co-worker. On both occasions, I reminded myself of what my dear friend told me in the dream.

Even though it makes no sense, and I will never understand why, this is the way it was supposed to be. They were going to be alright. I must believe it's true.

Musical Rides

I know! I missed iTunes Tuesday again! So I will do it on Wednesday. And this week we have a theme...musical rides. I've played musical geography on wonderful blogs out there, but I can't think of any more, so I've twisted the theme (because you all know I'm twisted) to musical rides. Name that car!

1) If she walks, looks and drives like an ace, what is she driving? a T-Bird (and she'll have fun fun fun 'til her daddy takes it away) - Ken got it

2) If you've got a car that's as big as a whale, and you're about to set sail, what are you driving? Bonus question: where are you heading on down to? A Chrysler...and you're heading on down to the Love Shack, of course! - Lori got it

3) If she was laying there like a princess, moonlight dancing off her hair, in what "wagon" did you give her a ride? Chevy Van (and that's alright with me) - Good Job, Julie!

4) You're gonna drive your daddy to drinkin' if you don't stop driving what? Hot Rod Lincoln - Ken again

5) If all you want to do is ride around, what is your name and what better you slow down? Ride, Sally, Ride...and you better slow that Mustang down - Lori again!

6) If you are on the strip where the road is wide, which two cars are revvin' up their engines and sounding real mean? A fuel injected Stingray and a 413 - Ken

7) If you're standing on the corner in Winslow, Arizona, what is the girl slowing down to take a look at you driving? A flat bed Ford - uhm, Ken

8) If you and Suzie had so much fun holding hands and skimming stones, what kind of car did you have? Bonus question: what color was it? An old, gold Chevy - guess who? KEN!

9) If she's ported and relieved and she's stroked and bored, and will do a hundred and forty with the top end floored, what is she? Little Deuce Coupe - I know you're going to be shocked, but Ken got this one!

10) If you're standin' on the corner watchin' all the girls go by, drinkin' wine and whiskey, smokin' joints and stayin' high, what two cars are going through the gravel? No one got this: Answer a '59 Cadillac and a '57 Chevy

Ride on!

Reinvention

Okay, a question:

So the moving thing is back on the table for CO and I. It may not work out again, but it has got us to thinking about reinvention.

I am at a place with my job that is unpleasant. I know too much, and what I know, well, frankly it pisses me off. I have now seen the bloody guts of the thing and it ain't so pretty from this angle. And staying here...I can't unknow what I know. I can never go back to those days of blissful ignorance that I so long for.

We would also be leaving behind the family stuff we struggle with...some of which is my fault, but some of which is CO's fault (and some of which is neither of our faults) I know family doesn't go away, but distance does ease the daily tensions. When people are not faced with dealing with you all the time, and you them, you try to find pleasure in the limited time you do spend together, and a lot of the petty bullshit goes away.

Then of course there is the Island of Misfit People issue. As I said in that post, it is difficult to make friendships here, and the ones we have had are too far gone to save, in many cases (like this one). I realize that moving won't help you instantly make friends, but it would be a fresh start, where none of the ghosts of the past follow you, and the people you know don't have these preconceived notions of you. You get to reinvent yourself in a new image...the one you'd like to be instead of the one you are.

But is that ever really possible? Can you reinvent yourself, even by moving 200 miles away, or are you just are who you are? Is it inevitable that the old habits will return, because they are part of your true self, no matter where you live, or will good intentions and a desire to change things be enough? In the end, will it all be the same...just 2000 miles north east?

Can anyone really change?

iTunes Tuesday

I have not done this in awhile! I need to get back on it! Identify the next line of the song, the song title or the artist, or all three if you are feeling it! Here is the random play...Go!

1) We're callin' everyone to ride along to another shore. We can laugh our lives away... and be free once more - Ride Captain Ride, Blues Image (Ken & Nightfly)

2) Through eighty-six years of perpetual motion, if he likes you he'll smile, and he'll say, "Jimmy, some of it's magic, some of it's tragic..." but I had a good life all the way - He Went to Paris, Jimmy Buffett (No one got this!)

3) He grinned as he raised his little head. popped a shoeshine rag and then he said... Get Rhythm (that is the next line and the song title), Johnny Cash (Nightfly)

4) I'll read to you here save your eyes. You'll need them your boat is at sea. Your anchor is up you've been swept away and the greatest of teachers won't hesitate to leave you there by yourself... chained to fate - I Alone, Live (No one got this either!)

5) Well I'm on my way. I don't know where I'm going. I'm on my way. I'm taking my time but I don't know where. Goodbye to Rosie the queen of Corona... see me & Juilo down by the school yard (also the next line and the title), Paul Simon (Ken)

Have fun!

Crazy Betty

In this post, I mentioned our former friend, Crazy Betty, and I promised to tell you about her so that you all could decide for yourselves if it is she, or CO and I, who are crazy.

So here goes...

The first time we met Betty, she had been dating CO's best friend, John, for several months. CO and I were both a little leery, because we really liked John's ex-girlfriend, so you know how that goes. But we put on our happy faces, and went to dinner with John and Betty. We're all introduced, and Betty gives the perfunctory "hi" which is the last word she says for the next...uhm, well forever, or at least the next hour, which felt like the same thing.

I am feeling a little bad for Betty. See John and I knew each other before CO and I knew each other. In fact, John had a hand in introducing me to CO, so needless to say, I am very comfortable with John, and can talk to him as easily as CO can. I'm sure Betty felt a bit left out. So being the other woman in this foursome, I tried to get Betty engaged in the conversation. I am asking her questions like this:

Me: "So, Betty, do you have kids?" (I knew she did)

Betty: "Yes."

Me: "How many?"

Betty: "Two."

Me: "Really? Boys or girls?"

Betty: Blank stare

Me: "Are your kids boys or girls?"

Betty: "Yes."

Uhhhhmmmmm, okay. What does that mean? I assumed on my own that they were one or the other. I really didn't need confirmation on that. I was looking for some specificity here, but whatever. Obviously, the woman doesn't want to talk about her kids. Let's change the subject.

Me: "So, Betty, what do you do?"

Betty" "Work."

Me: "Yes, uhm, where do you work?"

Betty: "***" (insert name of her employer)

Me: "What do you do there?"

Betty: Blank stare. She was very good at the blank stare.

Okay, so she doesn't want to talk about kids or work. Where do I go from here? There was a hockey game on the television, so I stupidly went for that.

Me: "Do you like sports?"

Betty: "Ugh! No!"

Mmmmkay. I wanted to ask was she capable of more than one word sentences, because so far, she hadn't demonstrated that ability. Instead, I opted for a ladies room visit. I needed to escape and think about this for a few minutes.

Me: "I'm going to the ladies room. Back in a few."

Betty: "Me too."

No one was more shocked that I. I mean TWO words! Wow! Not to mention the fact that she obviously could not be coerced into conversation, why would she want to accompany me to the rest room? I'm trying to escape here, dammit!

So off we go to the ladies room, no speaking the entire time. I smiled; she stared. When I was finished, which was quickly mind you, as this was a purely invented visit, and I did not really have to go, I washed my hands and waited for her.

And I waited. And I waited.

Hmmmm. I looked for her shoes under the stalls, but I couldn't remember what they looked like, so after about 10 minutes, I went back to the table.

There she was.

Okay, I know the male readers will not understand this, but I guarantee the women are gasping in horror right now. Look, I don't know why women go to the bathroom together. Honestly, it is sometimes to talk about you men...but not always. We just do it. Habit? Fear? I don't know.

But even though I don't know why we do it, I do know how we do it, and the rules are very, very clear on this...if you go together, you return together. Period. End of sentence. It doesn't matter if you have known each other for ten minutes or ten years. You wait.

I am quoting from the rule book when I say: "It is only acceptable to return from the ladies room alone if you have clearly stated this intention to the other party, and have received confirmation from them that they have heard and understand this plan of action."

Ladies? Am I wrong?

Needless to say, the rest of the night did not go any better.

Later that night when we were on our way home, I turned to CO in complete dismay and said, "She left me in the bathroom." He did not get it. But every time I have told this story since, any female in the room has said, "No way!"

Over time, we moved on from that scene, and eventually, we invited John and Betty over to our house for a Halloween party. That didn't go well either. Betty literally said only "Hi" and "Bye." The rest of the night she sat in a corner, spoke to no one...not even John. Turns out, this was pretty standard, normal behavior for her. In fact I saw her at a party at a mutual friend's house this year, and she did the very same thing.

Unfortunately, John married her, and eventually, I think like a year and a third kid later, she did start talking to us. I can't remember why, but she did. And I have to say, I was almost sorry she did, because once she started talking, crazy ass things came out of her mouth. Things like:

"I always worry that John is going to have me killed to collect on my life insurance policy, so when he goes to work (at 2:00am), I make Bobby (her oldest son), come sleep on my side of the bed, so the hit man will get him instead of me."

I swear to you, she actually said this. I cannot make this shit up.

This is wrong on so many levels, I can't even begin to analyze it. I mean, first, if you are really afraid your husband is going to have you killed, why would you stay married to him? And that is just a minor point compared to the fact that she seems to be fine with her son taking the hit for her! Her twelve year old son! Mother of the year, that one!

Another favorite: "I tried to stop drinking one day, but I just got so stressed that on the way to the movies, I stopped and got a bottle of rum for my coke. But that doesn't make me an alcoholic. Everyone does that. What would you do if you couldn't drink every day?"

Okay, uhm, that's pretty much the definition of an alcoholic, so yes it does! And everyone does not do that. Only alcoholics do that. By the way, in case you are wondering, I don't drink every day. When I told her that, she told me I was lying. Okay, then.

Let's see, a few other random facts about Crazy Betty...

• She thought she was being haunted by the ghost of her dead mother.

• When we'd go out to eat, always where she wanted to go, she ordered three meals and took like one bite from each one, and threw the rest away.

• She drank and smoked through all four of her pregnancies.

• She has four kids with four different men. And when she had her fourth kid, she was married to her third kid's daddy. Uhm, yeah...take a minute on that one. John is kid number three's daddy, but not kid number four, and they are still married.

• She got mad, almost daily, and threw her wedding and engagement rings out the front door into the yard, and John would have to go outside with a flashlight to look for them. (As an aside, CO told me if I ever throw mine away, I'm not getting them back. Good to know).

• She loved to get naked in her hot tub...even when we were there, and one night on the way home from a bar, she asked CO and I if we would be interested in swinging.

Uhm, I'm sorry, what was that last one? Did you say...

Yes, I did! She asked if were were interested in swinging...the big wife swap, trading places, whatever you want to call it. She was into it, and asked if we would consider getting into it too.

We said "I don't think that's such a good idea."

Then she got pissed, threw one of her infamous tantrums and tried to tell everyone that CO and I are the ones who brought it up.

Oh, and believe it or not, there is even more I could tell you about Betty, but I think that about covers the highlights.

So I ask you again...Who's crazy?

I Am a Dumbass

While I realize virtually every blog I write could be thusly titled, I have wisely saved it for a day such as today.

This past weekend, we visited the mid-west. The readers of the old blog may recall that our previous visit to the mid-west back in June, yielded its own blog post, when CO inadvertantly threw the luggage claim tickets in the trash during our lay-over in Pheonix, and when we reached our destination, we found our luggage had not. The missing claim tickets proved to be, let's call it a slight issue, when dealing with airline staff, and I had, oh let's call it a small calf, over the whole scenario. I have enjoyed giving CO crap about this incident ever since.

Let me tell ya, those days are O-V-E-R. I never get to bring that incident up again. Why? Why? Well because the fault was really more on the airline than on CO, since if they had not lost the luggage in the first place, the chucked out claim tickets would not have been an issue.

That, AND...

We had scheduled our return flight to get us back home in plenty of time to have some relaxation time, and still get to bed early and get a good night's sleep. We did, however, have another layover in Phoenix on our way home. I could have sworn that the layover was only about an hour, but when we landed I looked at the time on the ticket, looked at my watch, and was surprised to find the layover was actually two hours and fifteen minutes. Hmmm. Ok. We'll just get something to eat.

So we went into the airport bar, had dinner, a few beers and watched some football. About 45 minutes before our flight was shceduled to take off, we moseyed on over to the gate, which was strangely empty. I sat there for a few minutes, reading the sign behind the counter: Flight XXX departure time 5:48pm, status departed.

I'm sorry, does that say departed?

Well, that can't be right! Looking at my watch I see that it is only 5:15 now. How can the plane not scheduled to leave for another 30 minutes or so, already be departed?

Hmmmm. I scratch my head and think. I know it is the same time in Arizona as it is in California, so I have no adjustments to make on my watch. I look again, just to be sure. Yep...5:15.

Then the sick feeling washes over me. Wasn't there something about Arizona and the whole daylight savings time...as in they don't do it? So let's see, if in the summer, when I am used to traveling, Arizona is on the same time as California, and it is now November, and Arizona does not fall back, that means it is...HOLY CRAP! It is 6:15! 6:15!!!

Shit! Shit! Shit! And just for the record...SHIT!

Me: "Uh oh."

CO: "What?"

Me: "I think Arizona does not practice daylight savings time."

CO: "So?"

Me: "Uhm, so that means they are an hour ahead."

CO: "So?"

Me: "So that means it's six-fifteen."

CO: "So?" Note> CO does not actually look at the tickets. He just goes to the airport when I tell him, and gets on the plane I get on.

Me: "So our flight left at five forty-eight. We missed our flight!"

I run up to the counter and explain what a dumbass I am to the airline rep, who very nicely tells me, "If it makes you feel any better, it happens all the time."

No, actually, that doesn't help so much. It brings me very little comfort to know there are others in this world as stupid as I. In fact, it scares me a little. I am concerned about the future...and the gene pool.

I sheepishly go back to CO, who has not said a single word.

For those of you who remember the blog post about the other airport incident, you will remember it involved me shouting "We're fucked!" in the middle of the airport, and according to CO, flinging my wallet into my purse where it wisely stuck, not wanting to be flung again.

Me: "Sorry. You can feel free to shout 'We're fucked!' and fling your wallet this time."

The long-suffering CO, who is obviously a much better person than I, graciously refrained from accepting that offer.

Needless to say, we did not get home with time to relax, and the whole good night's sleep thing...not so much.

But on the bright side, I will never, ever forget what time it is in Arizona, and I have learned that Phoenix must be the vortex of all evil. It is a bad, bad place for us to layover. Next time...Denver or Las Vegas, but not Phoenix. Stay away from Phoenix!

I hope, someday, to fly somewhere with CO without having fodder for a blog post. See, there have been othr trips, too, that would have made fine stories, but it was before blogging, so they never quite made it, but the stories were there.

We were so close this time. So damn close! If it weren't for me, and the whole dumass thing!

Island of Misfit People

This is where I think CO and I live...the Island of Misfit people.

Before we get started here, let me warn you, this might be a rambling post full of self pity. Read on if you must, but don't say I didn't warn ya!

So CO and I...Island of Misfit People. It's like the Toy one, except it is just CO and I. All alone.

See, CO and I are, uhm, how should I say...friend challenged, in that we have none. Oh, I have some...and he has some, but WE don't have any. No couples to hang out with.

There are several reasons for this. First, I think, is the whole job differential CO and I have. CO feels as if he has very little in common with my work friends, and in fact, some have treated him rather shabbily over the years. One of my friend's spouses even told CO that he "looked down" on him. Yeah, that's going to create a warm and lasting friendship in a hurry! We have the same problem with his work colleagues...I just don't have a lot in common with them or their spouses.

Second, many of our friends are in a different place in their lives. Our children are older, and most of our friends have smaller kids. Obviously, they want to spend time with their kids, and they don't want to get a sitter all the time. We totally understand this, but as adults with older kids, we've done our time, and little ones, no matter how cute and wonderful, are disruptive and a lot of work. We've been there, done that, and don't really want to do it again...tt least not all the time.

There is also the distance problem. I am still in touch with my best friend from childhood, but she lives four states away, and my best friends from high school and college live four hours away. To top it off, they are all still on kid patrol. One of them is pregnant right now! Life happens, and people drift. I still love the three of them dearly, and I relish my time with them, but they know as well as I do, that it isn't the same. We all have our lives to live.

And of course they are my friends. Their spouses don't know CO well, and there is some built in awkwardness there.

We did have a couple we hung out with for years. We spent weekends and holidays with them...it was great! Except when it wasn't. This was CO's best friend and his wife. Uhm, let's call her Crazy Betty...because she wasn't so much ugly, but she was damn CRAZY! I will have to write a whole separate blog about Crazy Betty. Suffice it to say, we needed to get away from that poison, or get divorced. That's basically what it came down to. We opted for the former.

Another couple we know have a "Look at me! Look at all my cool stuff. Too bad you're not as cool as us!" thing going on that just annoys the shit out of us. I hate people like that. I don't care how cool you are. Just be real for five minutes.

You know back in the day, I worked with this girl named Katie. Katie was one of those people who had no edit function in her head. Whatever comment popped into her mind, came out her mouth. Things like, "Have you considered coloring your grey hair?" or "Have you gained some weight? Those pants look a little tight." Yeah. She did.

Anyway, Katie couldn't figure out why no one ever invited her to lunch. She complained to the boss that "everyone hated" her, and he made us either invite her, or go to lunch separately. We opted for the later...everyone ate alone for weeks after that.

My response to the "everyone hates me" thing has always been, "Look in mirror, Babe. 'Everyone' is seldom wrong."

So that is why I am having such a crisis here. We have no friends. And it can't be everyone else, so...it MUST be us! Seriously. Is it us?

What is wrong with us? Is Betty perfectly normal, and we are the crazy ones?

Okay, now THAT is crazy. You will have to wait until I tell you the story about Betty, but I think you will agree. Betty...C.R.A.Z.Y. But, even so, there must be something wrong with us. What is it? Can we fix it or are we doomed to spending our life alone on the Island of Misfit People."

I have been accused by someone I know and don't quite see eye to eye with of thinking I am better than everyone else. I'm not sure if that is her insecurity, or if it really is me. That may be the outward appearance, but let me tell you, in my head, that is so not true. I don't think I am better. I think I am different. Different is not better. It's...well, different. This distinction is lost on her, unfortunately.

And CO has his own problem. He has a very low tolerance for people's bullshit, and once put off, stays put off. This is an extremely difficult thing to overcome whan trying to find friends. Someone says or does one little thing CO doesn't like and he is done.

Okay, so how do we fix this? How do I seem less aloof and superior, and how do we get CO to be more tolerant? It seems like it should be a simple thing, but it is so NOT simple.

The whole question of moving has come up again, and I told CO, maybe we should just move, since we have no friends, and the family situation is a mess (another blog for another time).

His response: "Do you really think it would be any different some place else?"

Uhm, no?

Halloween 101

I get so frustrated near this day. It isn't the little kids knocking at the door...I gladly give them candy until I run out, at which point I have been known to scrounge for things in my cupboard...snack size chips and pop tarts for example.

No it isn't the kids, or the traffic, or the commercialism...it's the haters.

There are so many groups out there that protest Halloween.

One of my favorite co-workers (read favorite dripping with sarcasm or in that my favorite co-worker to bitch about and/or torture kind of way) was up in arms because the firm planned our annual fall potluck on Halloween. In the history of the firm, we have never actually had it on Halloween, just near it. And as an aside, it pisses me off that I have to call it the fall potluck, and not what it really is...the Halloween potluck, but I digress.

Same co-worker also had a cow because another employee purchased all of the administrative staff cute holiday water glasses with pumpkins on them. As an administrative staff member, she got hers and clucked her tongue in that dismissive disgusted way and said "I am a Christian. You know I don't celebrate that holiday."

That holiday...like it is too terrible to even utter the word Halloween. I'm sure she about fainted when she learned we were allowed to dress in costume this year (something we have never been allowed to do before).

Likewise, on the blog of old, I told the story of the woman in Target who told her sad little five year old that she could not dress up like a princess because Halloween was "the Devil's Day."

Arrrggggg! This mentality makes me crazy...CRAZY, I tell ya!

Halloween is not the "Devil's Day." It is the remnants of the pagan holiday Samhain, also known as All Hallow's Eve, and marks the end of summer, and the beginning of the new year. In pagan tradition, it is considered the most magical night of the year, when the veil that separates this world from the next is the thinnest, and it was believed that the dead could return to celebrate with their families. Tombs and burial grounds were opened, lighted, visited, etc., to help the dead find their way, and a festival like atmosphere was created to celebrate their return. Feasts were prepared, and extra places set at the table for the deceased releatives. Think of it as a festive memorial day.

This is also where the tradition of "treats" comes from. To be blessed with good luck in the coming year, it was customary to have food on hand for the spirits and travelers that might visit.

The jack-o-lantern was made to light the path for travelers and revelers alike, including the dead family members, and the scary carved faces were made to frighten away evil spirits, which were also on the loose on this night. When placed on porches or in windows, the protection from evil spirits extended to the entire household. This was the same reason people dressed in costumes and wore scary masks...to hide from and frighten off evil spirits.

Another aside...pagans do not believe in the devil, so Halloween cannot be deemed the "Devil's Day." The devil is a Christian creation.

So yes, obviously, Halloween's roots are firmly planted in pagan tradition. But to my co-worker, who is too Christian to celebrate that holiday, may I add that all of the major Christian holidays have similar pagan roots.

First, their very placement on the calendar. Christ was not born on December 25. This date was chosen to correspond with the pagan holiday of Yule. Likewise, Easter was dated to correspond with the pagan holidays of Ostara and Beltane. Many of the lesser Christian holy days have similarly coincidental dates.

Also, the traditions of the Christmas tree, the yule log, the Easter bunny and coloring eggs have all derived from pagan traditions.

If you are going to shun Halloween, fine, just don't be a hypocrite, and shun these things, too. You shouldn't get to pick and choose which traditions offend you and which don't. Pagan is pagan, right?

But before you toss all the traditions, reconsider your Halloween stance. It is not a day of evil. It is a day of celebration, new beginnings, and old memories. It is festive. It is fun. It has gotten a bum rap over the years, thanks to the entertainment industry, but that is all make-believe. Just because Hollywood says it, doesn't make it so.

I understand if you don't want your kid dressing up like a chainsaw killer, or a vampire, or a devil.

But, please...let them be princesses. There are so few opportunities in life to feel like a princess. Let them have this one day.

Happy Halloween!

The Bad Parent

Phew! Well that sucked. But I have endured another deadline and lived to tell the tale. Let's see...twice a year for hopefully only 20 more years...only 40 more of those to go!

Let me change the subject before I dissolve into a puddle of tears. This is a HAPPY day. The 16ths are always happy days. Especially those of April and October.

So totally off the subject, a question: Am I a bad parent?

Let's just say I know some people...more than a few actually, who do things for their kids that I do not. For example, their homework. I don't mean helping...I mean doing. Is this something I should have done, because I didn't? Would your answer change at all if I told you the kids getting the help were in COLLEGE?

I know someone else who pays their adult child's living expenses...all of them, including all the extra bells and whistles, too. We are not talking simply food here, but rent, brand new cars, $300 cell phones, plus spending money. Should I be doing this, because again, I'm not? Would your answer change if I told you these kids were NOT in college?

I know someone else who is their adult child's administrative assistant, handling all her "business." You know, bill paying, check writing, doctor appointments. This individual has even interceded on her daughter's behalf with her college professors and her employers. I ask you again, should I be doing this, because as you may have guessed, I am not.

Maybe I am a bad parent. Maybe I should be doing these things for them. I guess it is my own parents' fault that I don't do these things.

Never once in the years I was in school did my parents do my homework for me...not in kindergarten, not in middle school and certainly not in college. They helped on occasion..but it was a rare occasion, and usually involved building some monument out of papier mache and sugar cubes. They also helped me study for exams by running through flashcards with me...flash cards I made and studied ad nauseum before they stepped in. I can remember a time or two that my mom helped type a paper that I had written by myself, and she made no changes to my spelling or grammar. That was on me.

And my parents did pay many of my expenses while I was in college, but I had plenty of student loans to prove that I was expected to help pull my own weight. Oh, and I had a job, too, by the way, no cell phone (of course they hadn't been invented yet, but still), and a car that was far from brand new. And I knew that if I ran out of money, there wasn't an unlimited supply to draw from. I couldn't just call home and ask for more. I had to do without for awhile.

Later, as an adult, I won't say my parents never helped me, for example buy something I couldn't afford, like a new television, or a nice set of pots and pans. But paying my day-to-day living expenses? Uh, no way! Rent, gas, utilities, insurance...all my problem.

And it goes without saying that my parents have never called my employer to rail over some injustice they believe I suffered. They never called my college professors to ask if I could get an extension on that paper they were going to write for me anyway, or to complain about the D the prof "gave" me on the last exam, because I certainly wouldn't have earned that D on my own. That would be impossible.

So see...it's their fault I don't do these things for my kids. They're the ones who taught me to stand on my own two feet, to fight my own battles, to face my own responsibilities and consequences. They are the ones who made me do the same for my boys.

Am I crazy to think that a parent's job? Or am I just a bad parent, with bad parents?

A Work Imposed Hiatus

Sorry. Things are much too much to handle right now.

I'll be back next week...after October 15th.

Of Vices and Judgment

This morning, as I ran into the convenience store near my office for my morning caffeine and sugar fix, I passed a woman madly scratching at the cellophane on her cigarette package. Her shaking hands and desperate look clearly advertising her nicotine jones. Then I noticed that part of the reason she was having so much trouble opening the smokes, was that she was pulling an oxygen tank behind her at the same time. When I came out of the store, she was happily puffing away, blissfully ignoring the tubes in her nose and the "flammable" sticker on the tank. I have to admit, as I hurried away from the potential explosion, I shook my head in wonderment.

Wonderment and judgment.

But as I took a big sip of my Dr. Pepper (my caffeine and sugar of choice), I wondered what right I had to pass judgment on her.

Yes, her vice is obviously killing her, and non-smokers, which I am by the way, are quick to ask "Why don't you just quit?" To which I imagine she might answer "Gee, why didn't I think of that?" Clearly, it is not that easy.

We all have our vices. For example, the aforementioned caffeine and sugar. As a nonsmoker, I admit that I sometimes forget that. I wonder if I would be able to give up my vices if someone told me I had to...if they were killing me? In fact, since I am overweight and diabetes runs in my family, it is quite possible that the sugar, at least, is killing me...just slower than that woman's cigarettes, perhaps. And I know this...I do. But have I stopped? Uhm...no. So how am I any different than that woman? How am I in any position to judge her?

My home state has been lately showing these commercials about the dangers of second hand smoke. I know, that is an old story, and the major difference between my vice and hers...mine will kill me, hers may kill us both. But that is not the point. This particular commercial has been targeting the second hand smoke you don't know exists...the smoke that comes through apartment vents from neighboring apartments. This commercial goes hand in hand with the proposed idea that my home state become entirely smoke-free.

My state has already outlawed smoking in the workplace, in restaurants and bars, basically in public period, and now they are trying to get people on the bandwagon to outlaw it in people's homes as well?

I am a nonsmoker, and as such, I truly appreciate being able to go to a restaurant and eat my dinner without smelling some one's cigarette. But to tell someone they cannot smoke in the privacy of their own home? That is a line I will not cross.

What is next? Alcohol? Because drunk driving kills people just as effectively as second hand smoke, and outlawing "driving" drunk does not seem to have eliminated it, so maybe we should outlaw the "drunk" altogether? Not even in the privacy of your own home, because who knows if in your drunken state you will get the urge for a burrito at 2:00am (not that I have ever done that or anything). I'm telling you, this is one step away from prohibition.

And then what? Once cigarettes and alcohol are gone, do you think these people will be content? NO! Then it will be fast food and pastries and ice cream. Then meat. After that they will tell us that television is wasting our minds, and that we should only be allowed to watch educational programming. And sex...sex should only be for procreation, so if you're not trying to conceive, keep your pants on. Oh, and by the way...missionary style only, thank you.

These kind of lifestyle judgments should be reserved for severely offensive and harmful activities only, like pedophilia, rape, spousal abuse, child abuse and the like. I hardly think smoking belongs in this category. And if it does, well then why not drinking, eating, television watching and consensual adult sex?

Is this really the land of the free, when we are trying to pass laws like this? I have to wonder.

iTunes for Tuesday

Sorry for the lame blogging...this is one of my really busy weeks at work. In the mean time, amuse yourself with Tuesday game time and identify the song, artist and/or next line of these songs:

1) But I don't think time is gonna heal this broken heart. No I don't see how it can when it's broken all apart.

2) Headin' into twilight spreadin' out her wings tonight. She got you jumpin' off the track and shovin' into overdrive.

3) I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright. I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home.

4) Oh, it's been such a long, long time. Looks like I'd get you off my mind. Oh, but I can't. Just the thought of you...

5) What goes up, must come down.

Happy humming!

Comfort Music

I had my iPod on random, but it was playing a bunch of stuff I wasn't in the mood for. I kept skipping. Finally, I took a few minutes to create a playlist with just what I am in the mood for today. It got me thinking. We have comfort food, comfort clothes, why not comfort music?

I am feeling kind of blah today. I'm not sick. I'm not depressed. But it is a gloomy day outside, and I am facing a weekend of working on a huge, ugly project, so I guess I am in search of a certain kind of music to go along with that feeling.

I don't want sad...I am NOT depressed, and sad music may just send me into it. So no easy listening, I want to slit my wrists but all I have is a plastic knife kind of stuff.

But neither do I want to hear anything too happy and rockin', or I may get the urge to actually have fun this weekend instead of staying chained to this desk. Sadly, I have no time for the distraction of fun.

Also, I need something I can sing along to...something to keep me interested and awake, but not too excited.

In other words...comfort music.

So with the criteria of upbeat, but not too fun, sing along, comforting memories type stuff, I compiled my comfort music list. Here are the primary artists I selected:

The Eagles
The Four Seasons
Bread
Elvis Presley
Kenny Rogers
Journey
The Grass Roots
Neil Diamond
The Beach Boys
Bruce Springsteen
Buddy Holly
John Denver
ABBA
Three Dog Night

There are a few single songs on the list, but mostly these guys. Go ahead...make fun if you want, but frankly, I am diggin' it! It was exactly what I needed.

Now if I could only listen to it in my jammies and comfy socks with a bowl of mashed potatoes in front of a fire, I'd be the comfort queen!

What is YOUR comfort music?

iTunes for Tuesday

Game time! Identify the song one way or another (artist, title, next line, or all three if you're really S.M.R.T.).

1) There's a port on a western bay, and it serves a hundred ships a day

2) Like a rhythm unbroken...Like drums in the night...Like sweet soul music...Like sunlight...I need your love

3) I don't want to hear about it anymore. It's a shame I've got to live without you anymore. There's a fire in my heart, a pounding in my brain, it's driving me crazy.

4) When you snap your fingers, or wink your eye...I come a running to you

5) Tonight's the night we'll make history, honey, you and I

Okay...three softballs, here, and two that are maybe slightly harder. #2 and #3 are two of my all time favorite songs (somewhere in the top 100...maybe 150), so someone HAS to get them! Good luck!

Office Restroom Etiquette

I just came out of the bathroom at work...and there was a floaty turd in there. Soemone actually left that for one of their co-workers to discover. How thoughtful.

Here's the thing...we only have bathrooms in our office. Single rooms, like the one in your house. No stalls with multiple toilets, but one single solitary toilet. This seems to make people feel like they are at home, and act accordingly.

Using the bathroom at work is NOT the same thing as using the bathroom at home. IT. IS. NOT. THE. SAME.

To try to further explain my meaning, I have drafted up a set of rules to hang on the wall of the office bathroom. Tell me what you think:

1) There is only one...ONE bathroom, for all of the people in this office. A line is forming as we speak. HURRY THE FUCK UP!

2) In other words, LEAVE the newspaper in the break room. You do not live here! Reading in the bathroom is NOT appropriate!

3) If you suspect that, newspaper or no, you will NOT be able to hurry, consider using the public restrooms upstairs. There are stalls there, so even if you decide to homestead in one of them, there are other stalls available. Doesn't it make more sense for you to be slightly inconvenienced by going upstairs, than making the five people waiting in line miss their entire break, then STILL have to trek upstairs in the end? Doesn't it? Oh, I forgot...it's all about you, isn't it?

4) If you break rules 1 through 3...light a damn match!

5) Make sure the toilet seat is clean when you are finished, and that everything you put into the toilet flushes down it. I don't need, nor want, to see what you've spent twenty minutes doing in there.

Failure to comply with these rules may result in a well deserved ass-kicking. While Management believes these rules should be self-evident, they reserve the right to add to these rules at they deem neccessary. Thank you. Have a nice potty.

iTunesday Tuesday

Identifiy the lyrics one way or another (artist, song, next line)

1) Now the thing that I call livin' is just bein' satisfied with knowin' I got no one left to blame

2) Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be. There's a shadow hanging over me.

3) Ice. Your only rivers run cold. These city lights, they shine as silver and gold.

4) I was justified when I was five. Raising cane, I spit in your eye.

5) Turn the music way down low. Let me see you in the glow. In the fire light you are shining.

Ohhhhh...some of these are hard this week! If you can get 1, 3 or 5, I will be IMPRESSED! Good luck!

A Few Good TV Shows (14-16)

I will post pictures of the car show tomorrow.

In the mean time...

Dancing With the Stars

My name is Maggie, and I am a reality television junkie. I know what you haters are thinking. I know because I have heard this all before. How can you waste your time, your money, your brain cells, watching something absolutely no societal value? Because. That is my only answer. Because.

Because I love it! I love the costumes and the dancing and the celebrities and the professionals and the horror and the grace and the judges and music and the bad puns and the whole damn thing so shut up! Just. Shut. Up.

Eight is Enough

I think we are back to the only child thing...I seem to love shows with lots of kids and family drama. I love that there are eight siblings who look nothing...NOTHING alike. There are blonds and brunettes and red-heads and really, really dark brown, almost black-heads. How these all came out of the same two people is a mystery I never solved.

Still this show tackled some pretty heavy topics in the 70's...couples living together before marriage, divorce, birth control, marijuana! Shew! The Brady's had it easy compared to the Bradfords! So all that PLUS the stylin' threads and hair!



ER

Only the stuff before Dr. Green died. When he quit, I quit. It wasn't the same without Goose.

Monday Meme

Stolen from lots of people...a Meme for Monday:

1. Is your second toe longer than your first?
Nope...thank God. That creeps me out.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
No...whatever I can find in the bottom of my purse, the junk drawer at home, under the files on my desk.

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?
Taxes...all taxes, all the time.

4. What color are your toenails usually?
RED!

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
We are paperless...I don't own a highlighter anymore. I do highlight electronically...and if you are counting that, it is some tax document of some sort.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
No curtains...white wood blinds

7. What color are the seats in your car?
Gray.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
Ewww, No! I am not a cat person.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
Excuse me? A what? I don't understand the question.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
I don't think so.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
I rarely carry cash anymore, but for the car show this weekend, I did take some out...just in case.

12. Whose is the last baby that you held?
My son's daughter...my granddaughter.

13. Unlucky #?
Not really.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
Yes, actually.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
Jeep Liberty.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
Ewwww. Neither. I hate those Florida schools.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
A looooong time ago. It has to be 12 years or more.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
In the bathroom...blue and white stripes with a lighthouse themed border, and a sports border only in the second bedroom.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
Tax control sheet. Don't ask...you would die of boredom.

20. Last person to give you a business card?
My new cleaning lady.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
My new cleaning lady...oh, no wait! My parents!

22. Closest framed picture to you?
There are a bunch on a bookshelf...I can't really tell which one is closest. I think the one of me, CO, O, M and Y, my parents & grandparents.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
Saturday. CO barbecued stuff out at the car show.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
No.

25. How many emails do you have?
Too many.

26. Last time you received flowers?
Hmmmmmm. I can't remember. CO used to be really good about the flowers, but it's been awhile now, come to think of it!

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
NO!!!!!!

28. Do you play air guitar?
No. I suck at it. Yes...I really do.

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
Yes!

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
I don't drink coffee...I drink fru-fru coffee drinks, and you don't need to add anything to them!

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
I have no idea what these are.

32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot?
We had lots of rivals, but I suppose the main one was a Viking.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
IDK my BFF Shannon?

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
This weekend, after using a porta-potty at the car show.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
No...my son and my brother-in-law can really play. I don't need the competition!

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
White.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
Sports section.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
Ewwww. Pageants. That would be never.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Last night...Pizza Hut.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
Since I cannot begin to top Ricki's answer, I will say no...unless a Burger King crown counts.

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
Paperless...we don't staple!

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
Sadly, yes.

44. Are you ticklish?
Yes...a few select spots.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
It's been awhile! Disneyland maybe?

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
This has also been awhile. They closed the one closest to us. It has to have been a year or more.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned it?
A client this morning.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
When I lived in an apartment...thirteen or fourteen years ago.

49. Do you have a black dog?
TWO actually.

50 . Have you had your mid life crisis yet?
I hope so. I hope it happened without me noticing.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?
Not biologically, but via CO I have two nieces, a nephew, and two great-nephews.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
CO.

53. What kind of soap or body wash do you use?
Whatever is on sale.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
Unfortunately, yes.

55. Do you have a little black dress?
Ignoring the fact that nothing I own could be termed "little"...the answer is still no. I have a business-type suit dress that is black, but no evening-type dress.

A True Friend

...should tell you when you are walking around for half the day with your blouse on inside out!

My friends suck! Gah!

Happy Weekend

No TV today...it is a big deadline day at work, and this weekend is the big area car show, which of course CO has the car in...complete* this year.

Since last year's show, CO has added new wheels, seats, tonau (spelling??) cover and a blower.

This means I will have to post some pictures on Monday.

If you are looking for something thought provoking to read today go here. Michele has a blog up about faith and religion that I loved, and completely related to. I said in her comments, it was as if she was writing from inside my head. So yeah...what she said.

*Yes, I KNOW it is never really complete. I am slowly and painfully coming to understand this.

Have a great weekend everyone!

More "Best" TV (11-13)

I won't get too far today...too much bullshit at work!

But let's do a few more...

Cold Case

New show...one of those that may not be on the list 10 years down the road. You have to suspend your belief a bit for this (okay for ANY television), but...I find myself watching this one, asking how I am supposed to believe that after 40 years, these detectives were able to find this key piece of evidence that the prior detectives missed. Oh, I am sure this happens in real life...once in a great while, not every single case, every single time, but if they didn't solve every crime, who would watch?

What I really love about this show, I think, is the songs. They play some great songs! In fact, there is a whole web page dedicated to the music they play. I have visited it, then iTunes in quick succession, on more occasions than I'd like to admit.

Cha-ching! 99 cents please. Thank you!

Oh, and is Kathryn Morris (aka Detective Lily Rush) the palest woman in the history of the world? I am only asking as the second palest, just so I know where I stand.

Cosby Show

I was watching a rerun of this show just the other day and it still gives me that wonderful happy feeling. Cliff was such a warm and funny guy...the kind of guy I'd like to know in life. In the episode I watched the other day, Theo did something to get himself in trouble, and he asked his dad when he would get his punishment. Cliff asked "Are you expecting to be punished?" Theo said, "Well, shouldn't I?" to which Cliff replied "Oh, yeah!" in that funny-serious way that only Bill Cosby can. I don't know...I just loved it!

CSI (the original...NOT the spin-offs)

This is the good one. Another new one that may not be on the list in 10 years, and another that asks me to suspend reality a bit too much (like CSI lab guys are really running around arresting and interviewing suspects...isn't that the detectives job?), but still an entertaining show. They come up with some elaborate crimes (which they almost always solve), and give us a great look into forensics...something previous detective type shows either ignored or glossed over. Personally, I think the forensics is the most interesting part.

I do have to wonder though, are they teaching people to be better criminals? After watching that show, you learn about all the potential ways to get caught. In my mind I see a guy with a TiVo and a pencil, taking copious notes on how NOT to commit crimes. Of course, he will later destroy said notebook, or he will leave a clue for the CSI folks to follow up on, defeating the whole purpose, but you see my point, right? RIGHT?

That's today's list! By the way...don't panic. I don't have a whole 100, so this won't go on until the end of time!

My "Best" TV (6-10)

The client promised the information would be here FIRST thing this morning, but of course it isn't, so...

On with the list!

Brady Bunch

This was, hands down, my favorite show as a kid. Maybe because I was an only child. Maybe because I thought Marcia was so cool. Maybe because I thought Greg was so cute.

Either way, I was horribly disillusioned as an adult to find that "blended families" do not always get along famously, teenagers do not always gratefully and joyfully learn their lessons, and rarely, if ever, do the kids voluntarily pitch in to help each other or sing together.

Oh, and was it me? Did I miss it? What happened to Mike's first wife, and Carol's first husband? Did they EVER address this? Because let me tell you...I have what is much more than a hunch that that things were so pleasant around the Brady household because there were no ex-es to deal with. Add those ex-es and it is chaos in that house!

"Don't call her mom! She's not your mom. I am your mom!"

"Well, I hope you're happy! You were supposed to pick them up at 6:00! You have totally ruined our plans for the evening, and the kids are crying. Look what you did!"

"Where is my money?"

"No I get the kids on Christmas this year. You had them last year. Did so! DID SO!"

See what I'm saying here?

Charlie's Angels

Like most little girls in the 70's, I wanted to be Kelly, Jill and Sabrina (and later Jill's sister...was her name Chris?). They were so cool...fighting crime in skimpy outfits, big hair, full make-up and roller skates, or on horseback, or some other overly complicated way that made them "bounce" in all the right places. Hair toss, wide smile, longing look at the speaker phone that maintained Charlie's mystery, as he called them "Angels."

This show would never work today, because after the first phone call, Sabrina would have sued Charlie for sexual harrassment, taken over the agency, and made Kelly and Jill dress in appropriate business attire.

Charmed

I like witches. And in the tradition of Samantha Stevens comes the Haliwell Sisters...except much darker. No cheery housewitches performing minor magic here. No these were kick-ass witches, fighting demons and vampires and banshees and any number of dark evil creatures, while still maintaining successful careers, relationships and families. It's much tougher to be a witch in the new millenium!

What I really did like about this show, was the fact that the sisters were good witches...destroying evil, not living it. Witches often get a bad rap, and there was even, although rudimentary, explanations of some Wican practices that shed a much needed positive light.

I also loved the ending of this show. Although the last season sucked badly, the last episode was the perfect...almost all of the old, recurring characters made an appearance, and everything was resolved, explained and wrapped up in a nice tidy bow. You even got to know what happens to the characters in the future. In my opinion, that's how a show is supposed to end!

Cheers

A bunch of dysfunctional individuals hanging out in a basement bar...but so much more! I would love to go where everybody knows my name, and are always glad I came. Who wouldn't love a place like that? A place where you can get away from the hard realities of life, and find acceptance...even if you are an annoying trivia buff who still lives with his mom, an alcoholic accountant who hides from his wife, an acid-tongued waitress, a dim-witted bartender, or a washed up, womanizing former athlete, everyone is loved for who they are. Period. It doesn't get any better than that.

Coach

I love football. I loved college. So you gotta know I'm gonna love a show about college football. Duh! The best thing about this show...while movies are infinitely quotable for me, television is usually not. I might remember a funnly line the next day, but rarely does one stick firmly enough to have me quoting it years down the road. But this show does!

It was the episode where Dauber is serving as a "Big Brother" to a little kid, and he gets a little crush going on the kid's single mom. Dauber has a girlfriend, though, and he feels terribly guilty about this...especially after he kisses the kid's mom. So he tells Coach that he is going to confess this crush/kiss to his girlfriend, whom he really loves (and later marries). Coach advises him against it, telling Dauber to, "Bury it. Bury it with a shovel, then bury the shovel."

I don't know why that struck me so funny, but I remember it to this day. And still, years later, whenever one of us thinks the another person should drop something, or keep something from someone we say, "Bury it. Bury it with a shovel, then bury the shovel."

Sorry...that was soooo more than you needed to know. But I am all about the sharing. More later.

My "Best" TV Shows of All Time (1-5)

Michele had a link up to this article listing the 100 Best TV Shows of All Time.

Another list! I am excited. Because, see, I love lists. And I love television.

I'm looking at this guy's list, and I appreciate it, but I'm not feeling it. The only solution I could find was to make my OWN list. So while I sit here killing time, waiting for a client to get me their stuff, I started my list.

A few caveats...

* First, this is a personal choice thing. You don't have to like everything I like...feel free to say so, but don't tell me I'm an idiot for liking (or NOT liking) something. If we all liked the same things, we'd be boring as hell.

* Second, I don't care what social value a show has or doesn't have. I watch television to be entertained not enlightened.

* Third, I KNOW there are better shows out there, so,I am not calling my list THE Best...I am calling it MY "Best". Can you appreciate the difference? Can you?

*Fourth, there are no news shows on this list, for several reasons, but mostly I am back to the whole "entertainment" thing, and news, while educational, is not entertaining...at least to me.

*Fifth, there are some new shows on this list that would probably not be there in 10 years. There are more new shows that old, considering. But in my defense, with the advent of the TiVo, I have been able to follow television in a way I couldn't "back then", so I have gotten much more attached to some of these new shows. Deal with it.

Okay, so, on to the list, which by the way, is presented alphabetically, not in any ranking sort of way. I can't begin to differentiate my very favorite from, say, my fourth or seventh favorite.

The Addams Family

I love these characters! They are, well..."creepy and kooky." I normally hate movies that spun off from television shows, but in this case I think I love the movies even more. Probably because I love the actors they got to play these over the top characters, and I love the quotable one-liners (like "That's it the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!" and "Where's your costume, Dear?"..."I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else." and "Pass the salt."..."And what do we say?"..."NOW!").

But you can't appreciate all of that without knowing this all started with the television show. It was my favorite "old re-run show" that was on when I was a kid. Wednesday rocks!

All in the Family

Growing up, I knew people like Archie Bunker...toned down versions at least. Narrow-minded, racist, working-class men, who lived old-school in a changing society. I am not excusing them, but I am saying they weren't all bad, either. They were flawed human beings who were capable of of goodness and badness alike. You could see that in Archie Bunker, because even though you hated some of the things he stood for, you never really hated him.

American Idol

Like it or hate it, this show has been an amazing phenomenon. In it's first few seasons, I avoided it like the plague, making fun of my friends who actually...called and voted. Then, somewhere, somehow, I got sucked into the vortex. I watch faithfully and I call in votes. It is a guilty pleasure. And not only mine, considering that almost everyone I know watches this show. I can bond with my teenagers and my mother alike over this show. CO and I actually take the time to sit down and watch together. It is all the talk around the water cooler at work. It seems like any lagging conversation can be saved with the question "So, who's going home this week?"

Beverly Hills 90210

Speaking of guilty pleasures...I have to admit to this one. I don't KNOW why I cared about Dylan and Brenda and Brandon and Kelly...but I DID. I really DID.

I was in my early twenties when this show was at the height of it's popularity, and maybe it was that fact that my friends and I played a drinking game while watching this show each week ("When Dillon drinks, drink with the man!", or "Drink whenever Brandon says 'Bro'"), so I was usually drunk while taking in all the teenage angst. Maybe that explains it, because I got nothing else.

Bewitched

I heart Samantha Stevens! My problem was with Darren. Not the fact that the producers thought we wouldn't notice the old actor switch-a-roo, but that he was always trying to get Samantha to be "normal". Why should she want to be normal? She was a magical witch for Pete's sake! Why would she want to give that up for Darren...who, frankly, wasn't all that. I mean, why did he marry her if he wanted her to be someone else. When you marry someone, aren't you supposed to love them for who they are, and not try to change them all the time? I get that he was proud of her secretly, but worried about his boss finding out. Still, that's pretty fucked up. And did I mention she was a magical witch? She could have done better than Darren. I'm just sayin'.

I've got more later!