One last thing...

I can see lots of hits on my site meter that are from people I know, so I know you are still reading.

I am only going to ask one favor...and obviously it isn't for me.

My grandpa may be coming to visit you all in the fall, and he knows nothing about any of this. I haven't told him because I don't want to put him in the position of having to chose between his daughter and granddaughter, and his nieces and nephews. I know which choice he would make, but I am not selfish enough to ask him to. I have no desire to take away his illusions of you.

This may very well be his last visit. I hope you can find it in your hearts to treat him kindly and fairly...even if this isn't a courtesy you can extend to the rest of us.

I hope in this one thing you can prove to be the people I thought you were.

Housekeeping

I wrote the post below this morning, only to discover that people I thought had long ago abandoned this blog were actually still lurking about.

It's fine. I learned the hard way not to post anything you wouldn't say to someone directly. I promised to never do it again, and I haven't. This post is no exception.

But the purpose of moving to this blog was to be able to write without the fear of repercussion. I trusted only a handful of individuals I know in real life with that information...only those I thought the very most trustworthy. I made a huge error in judgment by placing that trust in them.

So soon I will be moving...AGAIN. And this time NO one I know in real life will be invited.

But my invisible blog friends will.

It will probably be a few weeks before I have time to get this move accomplished. I will be in touch.

Thanks to all of you who have been such good friends to me. It is sad when you can trust people you don't even know more than you can trust those you thought you did know.

Anyway, that horse is dead dead dead, and buried. No more of that.

If I DON'T know you in real life, and you want to keep up with the new location of the blog, e-mail me at awiseassoncesaid@yahoo.com. That e-mail will be in existence for a few more weeks.

Hard Lessons

I have been quiet this summer. There has been so much happening, I have hardly had time to write things down. Also, I have been fairly introspective lately. Some things happened awhile back that started with the blog, but ended off of it...and ended badly, which have made writing anything significant a bit difficult for me. But I have some lingering feelings that need to be worked through, and there is no better forum. Here goes.

I know a person, let's call him Zipper, that I do not care for. I have many things I could say about Zipper...things I have said to him directly, so to enumerate them here would not be talking behind his back. However, while he is at the start of this, this isn't really about him, so I will leave it at the basics...he exists and I don't like him.

Back in the spring, I posted something eluding to Zipper and my displeasure over some comments he made. My effort was intended to stick up for a guy named Biff, who I believed Zipper had wronged. Biff's brother (BB) was a regular reader of my blog at that time, but Biff was not. BB posted that he was concerned about the content of the post, and asked me to take it down. He was afraid that the post might cause trouble for Biff, who definitely did NOT need it. I took the post down, as I would never want to hurt Biff, or BB for that matter. Later I had a phone conversation with BB, a person whom I truly adored and trusted completely. In that conversation, BB shared with me some negative feelings and frustrations he had towards several other people. I understood he needed to get some of those feelings off his chest, and I tried to be a good friend to him by listening and empathizing where possible. He also asked me to tell him why I felt so negatively towards Zipper. I was reluctant to share for many reasons, but after BB assured me the information would go no further, I told BB why I felt the way I did about Zipper. The conversation ended with BB saying he hoped that Zipper was not guilty of some of the things I thought he was, but he now understood why I felt the way I do. I remember thinking how nice it was to have people to lean on.

A few weeks later, I received an e-mail from BB's wife (we'll call her Nancy). Nancy told me she had "done something that may or may not make [me] really mad at [her]." She had spoken to Zipper about the things I had told BB in confidence. She felt she needed to try and mend fences. Of course Zipper denied everything, and Nancy hoped that I would be able to just accept his word and we could all live happily ever after the end.

So many emotions followed, that I could not accurately catalog them here. At first, I was not angry, just stunned. See, I thought Nancy, bless her, was just being incredibly naive. While I did not spell this out above, suffice it to say things between Zipper and I had gone far beyond mending, and any simple denial on his part would never have been sufficient to convince me of his innocence in the face of my suspicions. I was surprised that Nancy couldn't see this.

A few hours later, I was hurt. I was hurt by what seemed to me was a betrayal of a confidence. As the days wore on, this feeling increased. I reread all of the correspondence from Nancy, and I was troubled by the absolute lack of the words "I'm sorry." They were no where. Her e-mails were full of defenses for her choice to divulge my confidence to Zipper, but no apologies for doing so.

Of course it wasn't long before Zipper weighed in with me, and I retaliated. Eventually Zipper's wife, Taboo, and my mom jumped in the fray, as they were peripherally involved all along. The mud was slung thick and fast.

And during all of this, nary a word from BB, in whom I had placed my confidence in the first place. So finally, I called him. So much of the damage had been done via e-mail, I thought we needed a direct conversation. I also thought maybe it was hard for him to reach out, seeing as how he was the one who ultimately had betrayed my trust. I asked him if he was aware of what was going on. I told him I was devastated by this betrayal. His response? "Nancy and I want to stay out of it."

That is all.

No apology for repeating something he promised not to repeat. Nothing even along the lines of "maybe I could have handled this differently" (which I find is a handy thing to say when I have to smooth things over, but don't feel an apology is in order).

Just, "[We] want to stay out of it."

Oh really? You want to stay out of it? Don't you mean NOW you want to stay out of it? NOW that you have disclosed something you promised would remain private you want to stay out of it? NOW that you have people waging war against one another, you want to stay out of it?

Oh. Okay.

And I remember THIS emotion quite clearly. It is called being PISSED OFF.

I have known this man since I was born, and although we have lived apart our entire lives, I thought the time we did spend together had a forged a bond. I loved him. I trusted him. I believed he was a good, solid man. I believed he was my friend. I have never so badly misjudged someone's character in my entire life.

I haven't spoken to BB, Nancy, Zipper or Taboo since that day. As far as I am concerned, everyone had ample opportunity to say all they had to say...and some stuff they probably shouldn't have. There is no point in continuing. Nothing can be resolved.

So why am I writing about this today, you ask?

Well, I thought only the players directly involved in this little drama knew about it. I purposely did NOT post this blog months ago, because despite my broken heartedness over it, I did not want anyone else to know. Despite my ill will towards Zipper, I had no intention of trashing him to others. I never have, and I never will. I confided in one person only, and I had no intention of trumpeting HIS betrayal to everyone either. It was between us, and it would remain between us.

But just this weekend I learned that this courtesy was not reciprocated. Apparently several others have been lobbied by Nancy's tall tales, which strangely enough paints her as the victim. Apparently, my little branch of the family is being vilified for not accepting Nancy's apology...an apology that was never tendered, by the way, but I guess that is besides the point. Not a single person has reached out and asked to hear our side of the story. They have basically said they don't care.

One would think that nothing could surprise me now, and yet it does. One would think my armor would be up, and that these people could no longer cause me pain, but yet they can. One would think that some people can't sink any lower, and yet they do.

Now it occurs to me that I could retaliate. First of all, I have saved all of the e-mail exchanges between Nancy and I. I could forward those to everyone so they could see for themselves that she never apologized. They would also see some of the things she said about others to me. I could go even further and disclose the things BB said on the phone to people who would have a vested interest in that information. I could tell Zipper some things he might be surprised to learn about others' involvement in things for which my family has taken the heat.

Oh I CAN do all of those things. But I won't. Even though I never expressly promised to keep BB's secrets between us like he did, I know when something is told to me in confidence. Besides, to reveal them would hurt other people I care about, and I would never want to do that on purpose, even under the guise of mending rifts. And I have seen Zipper's wrath first hand. I would never try to get back in his good graces (as if I could) by throwing someone else under the bus.

It might make me look better to all those people out there who are judging me when they don't have all of the facts, but it wouldn't make me look better to that reflection in the mirror, and at the end of the day, that is all you have. I guess I was wrong to depend on anyone BUT that girl in the mirror. Hard lessons, but well learned.

Goodbye My Sweet Girl

We finally did what we needed to do and it sucked hard. We are heartbroken. Rest in peace my sweet girl. You were the best dog ever, and we loved you. We miss you already.

Happy 1st Birthday, Grandson

Not that he reads this blog. Or, uhm at ALL as far as that goes, but the sentiment is there.

This picture is a few months old, but I lost my camera case which contained the cable that allows me to upload from my camera to the computer, so this is all I've got right now. Deal. He's still adorable, of course...not that I'm biased or anything. No, not me. He's just bigger now and has less hair since his first official hair cut last week.

Anyway. There it is. Happy birthday, Little Man. Coma loves you.

That Old Black Magic

We have three dogs, the oldest of whom is a black cocker spaniel named Magic. We got her from the pound about 6 months after I moved in with CO and the boys. She was little over a year old at the time, was the vets best guess, so she grew up with the boys.

Oh and she was awesome with them...patience beyond measure.

Once, while I was making dinner, I noticed Yute, who was the only one at home with me at the time, was awfully quiet. He was right behind me, watching a video, but there were no sounds of toy trucks crashing or toy trains chugging or balls bouncing. When I looked back over my shoulder, he was cuddled up to Magic, quietly putting stickers all over her, while she gave me this long suffering, but exceedingly patient look that said, "You're going to do something about this, right?" She sat still and quiet while I tried to get the stickers out of her fur with a little pain as possible.

And through all of life's trials, she has been just as quiet, calm and patient. A few years later, we added a second dog, who grew to twice Magic's size, but Magic remained unconcerned. She survived three boys and their teenage angst. We moved a few times, added grandbabies who pulled at her hair when we weren't looking and even a third dog who is a whirlwind of energy, and through it all, she just looks at us like, "Oh okay. So this is what we're doing now. That's cool."

She was never the most affectionate of the dogs, nor the most playful. But she is simply the most "chill" being I have ever known...dog, human, whatever. No one rolls with the punches like this dog.

In May, she got an injury on her back that became infected, and she had to have surgery to drain the abscess. The vet insisted I take the cone home to keep her from biting at the stitches and the drains that were stuck in her, but I never needed to use it. She just dealt with it, like every other thing in her life, without worry or complaint.

I asked the vet then if we should even have the surgery done. Magic is estimated to be around 14 years old in people years, after all, and completely deaf. She has trouble with the function in her back legs. But her appetite is still in tact, and she is still happy to see us when we come home. The vet assured us we would know when it was time.

Now, a few months later, her back legs have only gotten stiffer and her movement more difficult. She still does not seem unhappy, but then again, she never did. Her personality is a constant.

So how will we know when we are being selfish by keeping her here? How will we know when she has had enough?

Dogs are so awesome. They bring so much joy. But this single moment in a pet parent's life...this one single, horrible moment is so completely awful, that I cannot stand to think of it. But think of it we must. She trusts us and believes in us to do what is best for her. But how do we know what that is?

HELP?

Question of the Day

Is it hypocritical to judge someone for being judgmental?

Just wondering.

Thanks

Thanks everyone for both the kind sympathy, and the birthday wishes of last week. I truly appreciate the camaraderie and support you all unfailingly provide. You're awesome!

More Heartache

My cousin committed suicide last night. He was 46.

This is not my first experience with suicide...unfortunately. One of my best friends from high school, the brother of my oldest childhood friend, and a co-worker have all taken this same road.

This kind of a death is so unique. There is the grief, of course, but it is accompanied by the warring emotions guilt and anger.

It is the most completely selfish, and irrevocable choice a person could ever make. Does a person at this place in their life ever think about those they will leave behind to bear this devastation? Do they ever think of the person who will find them, and the images that will thereafter haunt them for life? Or are they simply so absorbed in their own pain that it becomes more important than anyone else's pain?

Then I remind myself that someone who would do this, they are in a very dark place...a place, thankfully, I have never been. They are unwell, both mentally and emotionally, and they don't know how to get the help they need. They don't even think they can be helped. But they can. Of course they can. Things suck sometimes, but they always get better, too. But someone in this dark place cannot fathom it.

And, then there is the waste. I have lost three people I have cared about in the last 7 months that would have done anything to stay longer. And here is someone I cared about willing to throw it all away. It is incredibly unfair.

Still, I will remember him laughing. I guess, like many, I didn't see the dark side of him. He was incredibly fun to be around.

I will miss you, WRL. I will miss you, and I am so very sorry you felt this was your only option. I hope you have finally found some peace, because the price you paid, and everyone paid, was very, very high.

I know his sister-in-law reads this blog, so to her, his wife, his brothers and sister, his nieces and nephews and his in-laws, I hope you find some peace too. I am very, very sorry.

Lordy Lordy Here Comes 40

I turned 40 today. Birthdays ending in zeros tend to inspire some navel gazing, even with the most positive of attitudes. The good news is, I am quite satisfied with my life at 40. I have learned some amazing things in my first 40 years.

First, I am facing this milestone with some appreciation rather than trepidation, because I am one of the lucky ones. I GET to turn 40. Unfortunate events like this and this have taught me that not everyone is so blessed.


Next, I have a wonderful husband in CO. Few people are as fortunate to have intimacy and friendship, trust and respect, love and support all wrapped up in the same person. My CO is hard to get to know, and many don't understand him, but I know who he is, and he is a good man. He teaches me every day that is it much better to be rich in love than material goods.

I also have three step sons whom I cherish. At 40 I realize that I am never likely to experience motherhood in the traditional way, and most certainly I have missed something. For many the sense of loss accompanying this void is a constant, acute pain, but thanks to these amazing boys this has eased to a dull ache for me, such that some days I don't even notice it, and most days no one else does. While I know I am not their mother, I also know they love me. They have taught me many lessons, not the least of which is that while you can't always get what you want, sometimes you get what you need.

Even things with Yute are better these days, which is a gift for which I dared not hope. Yet here it is...which teaches me to never give up on the really important stuff.

Of course I cannot mention the boys without mentioning the greatest gifts they have given me. While the four little bundles of joy known as Puddin' Pop, HiC, Punkin' Pie and Peanut were not exactly heralded with singular joy, coming as they did with so much worry, I adore each and every one of them. They are truly little miracles, and I couldn't love them more if they had been planned under the best of circumstances. They have taught me that even when things seem their worst, there is always a silver lining.

I am also extremely lucky to have wonderful parents, who taught me to be strong and independent. I couldn't possibly cover all of the lessons they have taught me over the last 40 years. They have been, and continue to be great examples to me. They have suffered over the last year an a half, but despite all this, they are staying positive. They are now embarking on a new course...one quite different from what they had planned. So the most recent thing I have learned from them is that even the best laid plans can go awry, but keep your chin up and believe there is a reason for everything. Sometimes you just have to go with it.

And even luckier still...at 40 I still have a living grandparent, who is still living on his own, unassisted, and in good health. A short time after I was born, he lost his hand in an industrial accident. This was 40 years ago, long before workers' comp and AD&D insurance; long before huge legal settlements were handed out like candy to people who burned their tongues on hot coffee. Yet, it barely slowed him down. I don't think in 40 years I have heard him say, "I can't" simply because of his hand. Four years ago he lost his wife of over 50 years, my beloved grandma, and this was just one more trial he faced with uncommon grace. He has taught me that bitterness has no place in life. Whatever life hands you, rock on.

In addition to all of these wonderful people, I have terrific friends. I still talk regularly with my best friends from elementary school, junior high, high school and college, not to mention some true blue friends from my adult life. These folks have been with me through thick and thin, and although we may not speak every day, or sometimes for months at a time, I know that if I truly need them, they would be there. They have taught me many things too, not the least of which is how to laugh at myself.

I cannot forget to mention my three four-legged children...my wonderful dogs. no one loves me as unconditionally as they do. I have learned form them that to truly be the best person you can be, you should try to be more like your dog.

Lastly, I am gainfully employed, and actually met the career goals I had set for myself to reach by 40. In this crappy economy, that is more than I could hope for. My career teaches me daily that there is always more to learn.

So there it is, the lessons I have learned in my first 40 years. I can't imagine what the next 40 years will bring. But no matter what happens next, life's been good to me so far, and I couldn't have asked for more.

Oh Boy!

Our new grandson was born today. He was two weeks early, but healthy and he and mom are doing great.

I've got no pictures yet, as I am leaving to see him in just a few minutes.

Still, I wanted to formally welcome him to the world here, because as we all know, if a tree falls in the forest, and no one blogs about it, it didn't make a sound.

Or something like that.

Of Contractors and Conspiracy Theories

On June 20th, our evaporative cooler had a meltdown, and flooded our kitchen. Yes I said evaporative cooler...also known as a "swamp" cooler. Our house was built in 1949, and is still, 60 years later, not vented for A/C. Honestly, the cooler works fine most of the time...except when it doesn't. We lost one wall and a third of the ceiling in the kitchen, but not the hardwood floor (miraculously).

It is now July 6, and we still have no wall, no ceiling and no cooling machine. Just try to get a contractor to respond to you in anything resembling a timely manner. Go ahead...I'll wait. I'm getting very proficient at it. Stupid me. Here I thought the industry was slow, and that contractors were desperate for work right now. Apparently not. Some don't even return phone calls. Some come out and decide the job is to small for them or whatever, and never send you the quote they promised, or even return phone calls. Some come out, give a quote, then go on vacation for a few weeks, during which time they don't even return phone calls.

Okay, I sort of get this last one, because I don't like to return calls while on vacation either, but still I'd like to know when they can get to the work. I mean an estimate? A ballpark? Something? Of course that would entail the insurance company calling me back as well, and I'm sure you can guess the likelihood of that happening.

To add insult to injury, we decided to spend part of our three-day weekend doing some minor, MINOR home repairs, like switching out the tub and shower knobs, spouts, and whatchamacallits (I am very technical when it comes to these kind of things, so try to keep up). In the process of shopping for these items, we spied a new bathroom sink faucet that we really loved and decided to buy. Of course it was brushed nickel and everything else in the bathroom was chrome, so the shopping spree began. Unfortunately, in the process of changing the pipe that goes from the shower head to the major plumbing behind the wall from chrome to brushed nickel, we encountered a set back. The damn thing snapped like a dry twig...behind the wall. Way behind. The really bad kind of behind.

And so minor repairs have turned into major ones. In addition to the holes in the kitchen, we now have holes in the bathroom. Uhm, so does this make us holy? After the profanities I have uttered over all of this, I'm thinking no. If I had known that damn sink faucet was going to end up costing several thousand dollars payable to the general contractor You Fuck It Up, We Fix It (who won't even return phone calls), I would have happily lived with the old one, which wasn't even broken to start with!

So my question to you is...why? Why oh why are we suffering this home repair karma? Is this some master plan to keep a contractor employed for one more week? Or maybe it is a scheme concocted by the state assembly to syphon more sales tax dollars into the California budget? Or maybe Verizon Wireless wants me to use up all of my minutes calling and recalling a bunch of people who won't even return my phone calls, so they can charge me a premium rate when I have to, at last, call a shrink. For all I know, the shrink may even be in on it! Or even the makers of Prozac!

It's a conspiracy, I tell you! A conspiracy!

I need a drink. And some Prozac.

Holy...Crap

CO and I were at a car show today, which was held at a large church. One of our car club friends is a member of the congregation, and the show was a fundraiser for the church, so we took our car out. They had all kinds of great things for kids to do, so Melvin brought the Puddin' Pop out too.

At one point in the day, she needed to use the bathroom, which was located inside the church proper. They had the doors open so you could see out into the area services are held, the altar, etc. The Puddin' Pop looked through the doors and saw all of this and asked what all that was.

MM: "This is a church."

PP: "A church! Does Jesus live here?"

Now there are several older "church ladies" milling about, taking an interest in Puddin' Pop's question. I smile...probably a little more smuggly than I should have, impressed with this 3-year-old and her knowledge of Jesus (especially considering my seemingly constant state of challenge with faith. I look at my granddaughter very seriously and say, "Yes, Pop. Jesus does live here."

And Pop replies very, very loudly, "Oh My God!"

Buh bye fleeting moment of pious achievement. Buh bye.

Reason 36,742...

why I love CO.

Inside my anniversary card he wrote: "I am always on the greenest side of the fence with you."

That is just an awesome thing to say.

I am lucky girl.

10 Years...

and our lives are still much busier than I would have guessed, or liked for that matter. But 10 years later, I love you more than I would ever have guessed, too.

Happy Anniversary, CO. I love you.

As I Remember, What a Night

I just found out today that a dear old friend, with whom I had lost touch over the past few years, died of ovarian cancer less than a month ago. She was 39 years old.

I can't seem to stop crying.

But for the grace of God, go I. Why is it that some of us get these burdens to carry, and some don't? That is the universal question, isn't it? And one to which there is no answer.

I didn't get to say this to her, so I am saying it to the blogoshpere, and hoping that some way, some how, she hears it too...

A, I am so sorry we lost touch. I know it wasn't because of a lack of affection for one another. I have spent all morning, recounting times we spent together.

You were there for me twice when I thought my world was falling apart. I know now that after one of those times, CO promised you he wouldn't break my heart. Thank you for caring about me enough to need to hear that from him. Thanks too for throwing me my bridal shower. It was a beautiful gift you gave to me.

I am so very sorry for the suffering you have endured the last few years, for both the physical pain, and the fear. I am so glad E was by your side. I remember when you two started dating. I told you he was a good man, and we were right. I will do whatever little thing I can to comfort him now.

We had some wonderful times together. one of which I wrote about here, but there were so many others. I found a picture of us today, at Magic Mountain. Me, you, E. and R. I remember standing in lines, playing music trivia games to amuse ourselves.
We always managed to amuse ourselves. "Which ones are named Doobie?" I STILL say that almost every time I hear a Doobie Brothers song.

You were a good friend to me, A. I am blessed to have known you, and I will never forget you. I hope, where ever you are now, that you can know that.

Always,
Maggie May

iTunes Tuesday - Eight Days a Week

I have not done iTunes Tuesday for a long time, but yesterday's short post, and a friend's comment to me about "Tuesday" songs inspired me. So here we go. Answer the questions, and give me the artist who posed them.

1) I'm in love. What day is it? On which days can you break my heart? Fall apart? Answer: Friday (and on Monday you can fall apart...Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart) - The Cure (Good job Cullen!)

2) If first you love me, then you say it's wrong, and I can't go on believing for long, on what morning do you sure look fine? Answer: Monday - Fleetwood Mac (Good job, 'Fly)

3) If a man is selling ice cream, singing Italian songs, what day is it, and where are you? Answer: Saturday in the Park - Chicago (Good job my anonymous friend, B and Nightfly)

4) If the trees are drawing you near, and you have to find out why, and the gentle voices you hear explain it all with a sigh, what afternoon is it? Answer: Tuesday - Moody Blues (Another correct answer by the 'Fly)

5) Which night is alright for fighting? Answer: Saturday - Elton John (Cullen and 'Fly got this right!)

6) What day can't you trust (this one's a gimme)? Answer: Monday - Mamas and the Papas (The Anonymous Missy B. was correct)

7) If bodies are strewn across the dead end street, what day is it? Answer: Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2 (Nightfly is groaning right now)

8) Don't question why she needs to be so free. She'll tell you it's the only way to be. What's her name? Answer: Ruby Tuesday - Rolling Stones (Nice one, 'Fly!)

9) If you've spent four lonely days in a brown L.A. haze, come what day will it be alright? Answer: Monday - Originally Jimmy Buffett, but a country guy remade it more recently...maybe Kenny Chesney? I can't recall. (Good job B)

10) I yi yi yi just can't wait. I yi yi yi got a date. What night is it? Answer: Saturday - The Bay City Rollers (Excellent job, 'Fly. I didn't think anyone would get that).

Bonus: A song with multiple days, which day is which:
a) The day I feel better just for spite Wednesday
b) the day that was never good anyway Monday
c) The two days that take too long Thursday, Friday
d) the day that everything's alright Sunday
e) the day you I a little sideways Tuesday
f) the day that's gone before I know it Saturday

Lori Morgan was the artist (Nicely done, B.)

Okay...go!

Can't Trust That Day

Happy Monday all. I know, that may be an oxymoron. Still...here's hoping.

The Friendly Skies

I just got back from a trip to Orlando, Florida. Before you think I had fun, let me tell you it was for work...I was attending a conference on employee benefit plans. I know. I know. Try not to be jealous. I was only outside to go from the airport to the hotel/conference center, and from the hotel/conference center to the airport...which turned out to be a good thing seeing as how it started raining the day after I got there, and didn't stop until...well, HAS it stopped? I don't know. But I do know, I have never seen rain like that in my life. It doesn't rain like that here in Southern California, Peeps. Not even close. I felt like I was surrounded by a waterfall. I did all of my shopping in the Orlando Airport.

Anyway, this whole travel experience got me wondering, as it always does, about why people in airports and airplanes (and probably trains and buses too) have to act like such inconsiderate assholes?

My whole goal of traveling is to be as inconspicuous as possible. Frankly, think this should be every one's goal in traveling. You know, inconspicuous...not immediately obvious, unremarkable, unobtrusive, not noticeable. Inconspicuous.

I know most of you get this, but there are those of you out there...say ten to fifteen or so on any given flight, that simply do not get this. And those ten of you can make traveling a tortuous hell for the inconspicuous folk. So let me try to explain this in a way you will understand. Kay? Good.

• DO arrive at the airport with plenty of time so that you can patiently stand in the inevitable lines and still comfortably make your flight.
• DON'T arrive late then bitch long and loud about the line until the people around you, who properly planned their day, feel compelled to let you cut in line ahead of them, just to shut you up.
• DO have all of your baggage properly tagged with your address, so they can be quickly handled at the counter.
• DON'T show up with thirteen unmarked bags and make the rest of us wait while you fill out address tags at the counter, all the while complaining about the bag fees. Yes, the bag fees suck. We all think so. Your nonstop bitching and moaning about them is not helping.
• DO have yourself ready to go through the security checkpoint. This means having your properly-sized liquids stored in a clear, properly-sized zip-lock bag, your laptops out of their carrying cases, and your shoes off in anticipation of the event.
• DON'T arrive at the security checkpoint with a bottle of shampoo from Costco in your carry-on, and try to bargain with the security guard.
• DON'T decide to completely unlace your high-top tennis shoes, only after making security guard order you to remove your them, to punish the guard. It is not him you are punishing. It is the poor souls stuck behind you in line.
• DON'T try to get your laptop through security without removing it from it's case because it is a special, sensitive machine, and you are a special, sensitive creature.
• DO be ready to board the plan when your rows are called.
• DON'T crowd around in front of the gate at the first possible sighting of a flight attendant. We are all going to arrive at the same time. Being the first one on the plane does not mean you will be the first one on the ground.
• DO be organized and quick in boarding the plane and stowing your carry-on luggage.
• DON'T apply your make-up, balance your checkbook, change your child's diaper, or read War and Peace until AFTER you get your butt in your seat, with your seat belt securely fastened. The fifty people in the aisle behind you are trying to get to their seats too.
• DON'T try to cram a super-sized duffel bag with wheels in the overhead bin. It is not going to fit. You should have checked it in the first place, Idiot!
• DON'T then try to hold this super-sized duffel bag on your lap. The flight attendant IS going to notice. So are the people sitting next to you.
• DO listen to and follow the flight attendant's instructions.
• DON'T think the seat belt, or tray table, or seat back rules don't apply to you. I don't know why the tray tables and seat backs HAVE to be in their upright and locked positions, but they do, okay? These are the rules. Just follow them. JUST FOLLOW THEM! DON'T make the flight attendant come tell you three times.
• DO try to hold it. If you can't, DO get an aisle seat towards the rear of the aircraft, if possible. And DO plan your potty trips so that they do not interfere with take-off or landing. I don't like risking my life to get out of my seat just so that you who cannot plan don't pee your pants.
• DON'T sit in the window seat and make the passengers next to you get up and down ten times to let you out of your seat. DON'T decide when we are seconds from landing that you must go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW.
• DO be aware that not everyone on the flight finds your conversation riveting, or your child delightful.
• DON'T assume that the people in the front of the plane care to hear the vacation plans of the folks in the back of the plane.
• DON'T let your screaming child continue to kick the back of the seat in front of him/her as a form of entertainment, just so you won't have to put down your vodka and your Romance of the Month club novel.
• DON'T assume that your "membership" in the Mile High Club needs to be witnessed by other passengers to be valid.
• DO disembark the plane in an orderly, courteous fashion, in the least amount of time possible.
• DON'T stand in the aisle, pull out your cell phone, and call someone to tell them "We're here!" before getting your carry-ons and getting your butt off the plane. The people behind you on the plane are "here" too, and everyone has some place they need/want to be.
• DON'T decide where you have to be in much more important than where everyone else has to be, and push your way past everyone in the aisles in front of you to get off the plane first.
• DON'T decide you need to visit the bathroom in the rear of the aircraft, while everyone is trying to get off the aircraft. There are bathrooms in the airport too. Use one of those.
• DO stand close enough to the baggage conveyor to locate your bag, but be considerate of others who also need to locate their bags.
• DO check the tag to make sure it is your bag before you disappear with it.
• DO, as quickly and quietly as possible, get out of the way once you have retrieved your bags.
• DON'T push your way to the front of the conveyor belt in order to wait for baggage from a flight that has not even been announced yet.
• DON'T grab that basic black American Tourister model 101 bag and run out of the airport without checking the tag, only to arrive at the hotel with someone else's clothes, then say "Well it looked like my bag." Everyone's bag looks like that. Check the tag, for pity's sake! It takes like ten seconds of your valuable time. Trust me, there will still be a cab parked out front when you are done.
• DON'T get your bags, then proceed with your family reunion in front of the baggage conveyor. Move away from the damn conveyor belt before reviewing your entire vacation itinerary.

And if you can't remember all of these dos and don'ts, just remember these two...it is very simple, really: DO be courteous to your fellow travelers. DON'T act like you are the only person on the planet. Seriously.

Happy Mother's Day

...to all the momma's out there. Especially my own! Thanks for being such a great one. I love you!

A Cinco De Mayo Gift

No, it isn't beer or carne asada (although that sounds good too).

Our granddaughter finally arrived! She was born at 3:58 this morning (two weeks late), weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs 13 oz, and 19.8" long.

I haven't decided upon her blog name yet. I have to get to know her first. But here she is in all her squished, smooshed, swollen, 45-minute-old glory.

Hello? Is There Anybody In There?

Yes, I am still alive. I survived tax season...my first as a partner, which was a whole new mine field to navigate. This was on top of some personal issues that haunted me throughout, and from which I am still smarting. In fact, I almost abandoned this blog because of it.

But while things here are not always as I believed, it is still true that I have friends on here, and although I don't "know" many of you, I feel like I know you. You know? Hee hee...sure you do.

Anyway, I am back, and I am happy to be here. Here are a few other things I know, just to bring you up to speed:

1. Office politics suck. Yes, they do. Oh...and the sky is blue. I am all about the obvious here.
2. Grandbaby number 3 is a girl, and has still not made an appearance, although she is past due for it. I begged her to wait until after April 15th...now it seems as if it is my turn to be patient.
3. We are expecting Grandbaby number 4, a boy, August 2nd. I could launch into a tirade about this one, but I have taken the position that I need to stop whining. Some people never get the chance to experience this, and it is incredibly unfair and ungrateful of me to complain about such a gift. Are there negatives? Sure. But I am trying to focus on the positives. And this is not easy for me...worst-case scenario kind of girl that I am. So I am growing here. I AM! So stop touching me. Stop it! I'm telling...oh, MOM!
4. I am obsessed with Farm Town on Facebook. It is stupid, juvenile, ridiculous, and completely delightful because of all that. So much for growing.

So there. That is what is happening in my world. Now I will try to catch up with yours. Thanks for letting me disappear, and still welcoming me back. You blog friends are the best.

Idol Chit Chat 2009 - Top 9

I only have time to post a few thoughts.

My bottom three prediction...Anoop. Matt and Megan.

Matt did not deserve to be in the bottom three last week, and he was understandably pouty about it. So to fix that, his sucked hard this week, so he can officially feel better about being in the bottom three this week. I guess that was his theory, because that's what he did.

Anoop just bored me.

And Megan...oh please let her be going home. Her verbal inflections while singing are like needles being poked into my eyes. I cannot stand it. I would never buy anything she recorded, and I would change the station if a song of hers was playing on the radio. The girl is lovely, but the singing is teh suck. I cannot take it another week.

My top three...Adam, Danny and Kris.

I realize that a bunch of folks out there don't like Adam, but I do, and I'll tell you why...he is unique. He is never sings a song the way it was originally recorded...and I don't mean that he just shortens it up and changes a note or two. He changes many things. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it doesn't. But it is always interesting, and it is never karaoke (which I said before Simon last night, while defending Adam to CO. Of course I have no proof of that, but I did, so you're just going to have to believe me, Peeps). I don't know that I'd ever buy anything he has done, but I always look forward to hearing what he going to do.

Kris really surprised me last night. He has been flying under the radar, but the last two weeks, he has been really good. I love the song he sang last night, and I was worried he was going to fuck it up, but he didn't. I liked the changes he made. He was good, Dawg.

Danny was in my top three, but I wasn't as blown away as the judges. I love me some Danny, but weeks into this thing, he is disappointing me a little. Some of the shiny has worn off. Maybe that's due to sitting next to CO, who hates Danny, week in week out. Last week, during the results, I had to admit I saw a flash of the arrogance that CO keeps ranting about. Although I still refuse to buy into the notion that he is playing on the poor widower thing for votes. He is far to adorable, and I am not that cynical.

Rounding out the top 9 were Allison, Lil and Scott, who were all decent this week...not horrible not spectacular, just...you know...eh.

The best part of the evening was when Pauler was trying to sound sober by using big words in her critiques...intonation, magnificent, enchanting, etc. CO said, "Wow, Paula bought herself a dictionary. Either that, or she has word of the day toilet paper."

There is a visual to get us all through the week.

Repeat

Okay, yes. There was a post up between Tuesday, March 17th and Wednesday, March 25th that I took down, for various personal reasons. So if you thought you were missing something, you probably were, but it was nothing important.

But I was asked to reproduce a certain part of that post, and so I have, with a few minor tweaks.

Heartbreak is discovering that something you believed in, whether it be an ideal, an individual or an organization is not a rock...strong, solid, immovable and slow to change, but rather like a sandbar...ebbing, flowing, constantly shifting beneath your feet so that what is there today can be completely different than what was there just yesterday.

Or something like that.

Idol Chit Chat 2009 - Top 10

I have been woefully negligent in my Idol blogging this season. Maybe it comes from watching it with CO every week, and hearing how much he dislikes the contestants this season. He is a mad and crazy hater. I spend all my Idol energy defending my players.

I don't have much time, so I will get to the point...Adam was awesome. Allison, Matt and Kris were also great. Danny, my dear, darling, Danny...you were only alright. I expected more for you. As I did from Lil. Disappointing. But you're not going home. Anoop was decent. Better than I expected. I have a hard time judging him, because I can't stop looking at his enormous eyebrows long enough to listen to him sing. And I can only think of one thing..."Silence! I kill you!

Bottom three - Megan, Michael and Scott, with Megan going home. She was hideously awful. I mean AW. FUL.

And a quick word. I think Ryan said the most clever thing (perhaps the only clever thing) I have ever heard him say.

Paula (ducking under the table): "I have something for you, Simon."

Ryan: "Uhm, we can't show that."

Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Okay...it was a visual joke, and you maybe had to have seen it to appreciate it, but I laughed out loud. I think it may have been the first time I laughed with Ryan, and not at him. An Idol milestone.

Thanks

I have some wonderful, supportive friends and family out there. I shouldn't forget that because of one disappointment in life.

Thanks for being there.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Drink a pint or two!

And More Dingo News...

#10 Australian Cattle Dog
Yes, that Australian Cattle Dog from Down Under. A working dog that is traditionally occupied with controlling and herding cattle, its qualities are exceptional intelligence, alertness, resourcefulness, and a fiercely protective loyalty over its property and people. They are agile, strong, active dogs, both physically and mentally, which revel in new experiences. The flip side is that they bore easily and will unintentionally find trouble while looking for activities to occupy themselves with. The Cattle Dog is very organized; many are known for putting their own toys away after playing.

The above quote is from this article about the top ten most intelligent dog breeds.

Dingo is an Australian Cattle Dog.

So they "bore easily and will unintentionally find trouble while looking for activities to occupy themselves" and they are "very organized" and "controlling."

My GOD does that sound like anyone you know? I have myself for a dog. Huh.

And she is even like me in another way. Neither one of us have lived up to our potential in the "exceptional intelligence" department. You did saw the video...does that dog look smart to you? And well, you read this blog, so my failure is self-evident.

Like mother, like daughter. Huh.

When Dingos Attack

And so it goes...

...and so it goes. And you're the only one who knows.

I Am...I Said

Update: Answers posted below

I have officially reached the "I" songs on my iPod project. So in the spirit of the "Don't" songs post, I bring you the list of things "I am" according to my iPod:

• I'm a Believer (The Monkees...Nightfly and Ken got this)
• I'm A Honky Tonk Girl (if there's gonna be beer, I'm in) (Loretta Lynn)
• I'm a Long Way From Home (Shooter Jennings...although this may be a remake)
• I'm a Woman (Peggy Lee..although there are multiple versions, so Ken's answer is right)
• I'm Alive (Neil Diamond originally recorded this, but my version is David Cook's from last year's A.I.)
• I'm Alright (Kenny Loggins...good job, 'Fly)
• I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide (ZZ Top...again Nightfly got this one)
• I'm Easy (Hey!) (Keith Carradine...nicely done, Ken)
• I'm Gone (Bo Bice)
• I'm Gonna Be Strong (Cyndi Lauper)
• I'm on Fire (Bruce Springsteen, but it was also remade by Kenny Chesney...'Fly got it)
• I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry (Hank Williams...Ken got it)
• I'm Sorry (John Denver)
• I'm the Only One (Melissa Ethridge)
• I'm Too Sexy (Well, duh!) (Right Said Fred...both 'Fly and Ken knew this one)
• I'm Your Boogie Man (K.C. and the Sunshine Band...and both 'Fly and Ken knew this one too...and actually admitted it. Nice job, guys!)

I am also a rock and the walrus. On the other hand I am NOT Lisa, nor am I your stepping stone, so watch it!

Now let's see how smart you are. Without cheating, who sings these songs? How many can you name?

The Interns From Hell

We have five interns this year. FIVE. That is a lot for us, and I have to say, they are really disappointing me.

I mean, I figured with five interns, at least one of them would have done something monumentally stupid by now. We only had three last year, and by this time one had already quit, and another had fallen asleep at his desk. This year...nothing. Everyone is working. Everyone is learning. Everyone shows up on time and leaves on time and stays coherent for the 8 hours they are here. No one has said anything insulting, flippant, rude or idiotic.

Damn them!

They are severely impacting my blog material.

Dyno Might

The video below is not very exciting, but the 496.5 rear wheel horsepower it pulled was. It is the second highest dyno day pull on a non-professionally built engine in the 8 months since the place opened. And that was cutting it off at 5000 RPMs. It was still going up, but he didn't want anything to break. If we could just get that new block, we'd really kick some ass.

Oh lottery, lottery...where for art thou?

Vaca Performance Dyno Day winner 2-21-09

Just Don't

One of the weird things I do during tax season to measure time passing is to listen to my iPod straight through...every song with no skips. Last year I sorted by artist, this year I sorted by song title.

I have reached the "don't" section of my song list. That is all the songs titles that begin with the word "don't." There are a surprising number of them, and it reads like a list of rules. As I keep hearing the word "don't" repeated over and over, I am starting to feel like I am being scolded.

So of course I feel the need to share that scolding with you. So, courtesy of my iPod, here are the rules for today. Follow them, and no one gets hurt:

DON'T ask me why

DON'T be cruel

DON'T bring me down

DON'T come around here no more

DON'T cry out loud

DON'T do me like that

DON'T fear the reaper

DON'T go away mad (just go away)

DON'T go breaking my heart

DON'T leave me this way

DON'T let me be lonely tonight

DON'T let the sun go down on me

DON'T stand so close to me

DON'T stop 'til you get enough

DON'T stop believin'

DON'T tread on me

DON'T worry baby

DON'T you forget about me

Just...DON'T. Okay?

California - Find Yourself Here...and Fork Over Some Money While You're At It

Have you seen this ad for California on television? Are they seriously trying to get people to come live, and presumably work here with this ad?

Hmmmm. I guess they thought that sounded better than "Move to California so you can help us from going bankrupt by paying your share of the massive tax increase required to stop the bleeding from our gross overspending resulting from our complete inability to properly balance a budget."

Or even "Come to California, because somebody has to pay for the octuplets."

EDIT: I don't know why the video did not properly embed. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md69zCJKD1c

Idol Chit Chat 2009...A Whole Lotta Gone

I didn't comment on Tuesday night's performance show. With a few notable exceptions, it was teh suck. The most disappointing thing was Tatiana, in that I wanted her to stink it up, but she didn't. Still, she is a whole lotta crazy, that girl.

The results were not surprising. Alexis Grace was far and away the best female vocalist of the night. She had to have sailed through by a mile. I like her. She is an adorable little pixie. And she listened to the judges and "dirtied" herself up. She's great.

Michael was not the best male vocalist of the night, or even second best, but he has a likability factor the others don't. He is an average joe...good-looking, but not glamorous, and he is a manly man...no prom queen drama there at all. I would have selected Ricky Braddy over him based on vocals, but Ricky got screwed by the A.I. machine, in that he didn't get hardly any air time prior to Tuesday night. People already "knew" Michael.

Speaking of the A.I. publicity train, they have practically paraded Danny in on a float. Between his tragic loss, his best bud story and his general likability, he has been the A.I. poster boy for the audition phase of the competition. Everyone who has been paying attention knows and likes him already. He was a shoe in for the top 12 because A.I. made it so.

Now having said that, I have to say I basically love him. Thank you A.I.

It isn't only his story that is appealing. His face and his voice are da bomb, dawg. I think SarahK at Snark Raving Mad put it best...he "looks like Robert Downey Jr (pre-substance abuse and post-rehab), voice like buttah," and as she also pointed out, he is still wearing his wedding ring, which is just so incredibly touching. My husband, ever the cynic, says he is wearing it to play up the tragedy angle. I told him to shut it. Danny is damn sexy. Oh, and he can sing...like that's important or something.

As for the wild card round. I am not sure exactly how it works, but I hope they bring Ricky Braddy back for that, as well as Brent, who reminds me a bit of a younger CO, so I can't help myself.

So do you think that the A.I. folks were breathing a collective sigh of relief that they got off the air before Tatiana had a meltdown, or were they pulling for it? The camera kept panning to her, like they were anticipating something big. I loved how when she and Danny were on stage together at the end, he kept looking at her wearily. CO kept dubbing in Danny's thoughts, which were along the lines of: "Someone did go over this girl with a metal detector, right?", and "Security? Okay...just making sure you were paying attention." and our all time favorite line from Two and a Half Men, uttered by Berta about one of Charlie's psycho girlfriends "Did you see that bitch? You've gotta put a whole lotta gone between yourself and a crazy bitch like that."

A whole lotta gone.

Predicting Showers

I know. I know. I've been negligent. But it is tax season, so it isn't likely to get any better between now and April 15th.

But I DID have a very important, pressing question for everyone.

What is your opinion on baby showers for second babies?

I was raised to believe that you get a shower for your first only. That is your first wedding, your first baby, whatever. But over the last, oh, I'd say eight to ten years, I have seen a plethora of second showers. Am I being too traditionalist? Is this now okay? Should we be celebrating all happy events in this manner? Why should baby number two be less welcomed than baby number one? Or is this just making a pest of yourself with your friends and family? Hasn't the sentiment always been that if they want to buy you a gift, they will, but you shouldn't put them in the awkward position of forced generosity...at least not twice?

I need your help here, Peeps. Seriously.

Gentlemen, I welcome your input on this topic, of course, but if you seriously have no opinion on this issue, I beg you to ask your lovely and brilliant wives their opinions. I am always down to hear what J-Mom, the Ladybug or the Sainted Bride has to say...just to name a few.

Thanks so much!

Sigh

That is all. Just sigh.

The Zoo

So CO and I took the granddaughter to the San Diego Zoo this weekend. A belated 3rd birthday present.

We drove the hour and a half to the zoo. We bought her an annual pass, a churo, cotton candy, a t-shirt and stuffed animal. We put .51 cents into one of those machines that flattens your penny, and imprints it with an animal's likeness. We schlepped around to all the cages, ooohing and ahhhing, and holding her up for the best possible view. We took her on the arial tram, despite our collective discomfort with heights. Then, after everyone was worn out, we headed back to the car for the return trip home.

At this point I stupidly asked her if she had fun, to which she answered, "No, not really."

Tough crowd.

Spelling Doesn't Count

Yesterday CO was driving home from work and he saw a car with the windows all "painted" up to read:

"Just Merried"

He called to tell me this, and I was so pissed that he didn't have a camera phone.

I HATE it when I miss that kind of stupid.

Of Idols and Vampires and Other Obsesssions

I finished the Twilight books.

I do have to admit that I pretty much get the obsession. Edward Cullen is fairly perfect.

But I don't care for Bella a good deal of the time, and Breaking Dawn went way off the rails. First, it was unrealistic. I know. I KNOW! The books are about vampires and other supernatural stuff, BUT I am perfectly capable of immersing myself in fantasy provided that the fantasy stays somewhat consistent. Breaking Dawn did NOT stay consistent. Secondly, I was told it would be a clear end to the series, and it was NOT...not at all! She could totally keep writing about these people.

And if she did...even after the irritation of Breaking Dawn, I would keep reading them. I am sick. I know. I may even have to buy a Twilight T-Shirt or something. Seriously SICK.

Speaking of sick...I am sick of the A.I. auditions already. Thank everything that is holy that tonight is the last night. Is it me, or is their new format for these things B.O.R.I.N.G.?

Hollywood week better step it up, or I will become a FORMER Idol addict.

I can quit any time you know.

What? I CAN!

MIA

I know.

But I've been sick due to illness.

And I've been reading Twilight.

So yeah. I'll be back someday.

Idol Chit Chat 2009 - Phoenix Auditions

I am not going to break this down bit by bit, but I did have a few comments.

Word of the day: TREMENSELY. What, you ask? Rocker in a box coined this phrase. Let me use it in a sentence for you. "Getting on this show would change my life tremensely." Get it? Great. Now explain it to me.

------

As bikini girl enters stage left (or is it right? My left, her right...whatevs), and she immediately begins annoying me, and probably every other woman in the country that is not her mother. I am silently thinking, "Oh my GOD, I hate her!"

CO says, "She's not even pretty. I mean, her body...whatever, but she has no boobs at all, and look at her face! Her nose and mouth are so ugly. She is going to get voted off fast. She can't wear a bikini all the time."

Now I am silently thinking, "Oh my GOD, I love him!"

------

Bikini girl descends upon Ryan Seacrest, and you can feel his discomfort through the television. He is not my favorite person, but I did feel sorry for him. As CO pointed out, even on the outside chance that he is straight, you still wouldn't want some half-crazy, half-dressed, ugly-faced, wanna be, stranger kissing all over you on national television. I had to give him that one too.

------

Okay, I loved the voice of the girl who sang Barracuda, but I cannot stand looking at her earlobes all season. Her pink hair and multiple tattoos and pierced lip are admittedly not my thing, but I can tolerate them. But those freaky, nasty, scary, stretched out, third-world tribal earlobes cannot be. I don't care how well she sings. Gross.

------

And my favorite part of the whole night...did you see Ryan try to high five the blind guy? Dude. He cannot see you. He's blind. Duh!

Idol Chit Chat 2009

Idol starts tonight.

I should not be so excited about this. It is a television show...and one that does not take much thought on my part (although the level of snark demanded of me can sometimes be exhausting).

Still, January is harbinger of dark and dismal times for me, and Idol is the only thing I have to look forward to for the next three months.

So really, I am trying to look on the bright side here. I am trying to be an optimist, dammit!

I'm growing.

What? I AM!

Oh, and I bought Twilight. If I am going to act like a 13 year-old girl, I might as well do it right.

The Unexpected Gift

This is her...the NEW dog, but I'll bet you had that figured out already.

So how did we come by this carpet destroying dog? She strolled into the shop in which CO works the week before Thanksgiving. She hung out there for a few days, while CO and the crew waited for someone to come claim her. When no one did, CO sadly told me he was going to have to take her to the pound. Now I realize this was a ploy, because he sighed and added what a good dog she was, and how terrible it would be, and yadda yadda yadda. But even though I knew it was a ploy, I played along.

"Bring her home," I said. "Let's see how it goes."

The rest is history. We did call the pound and leave our number in case anyone came looking for her, and I did check the newspapers and online dog finder services. I even took her to the vet to check for a microchip (and to get shots when none was found), but secretly, I was glad no one claimed her.

Her name is Dingo, and I officially love her...carpet not withstanding.

As best we (and the vet) can tell, she is a purebred Australian Cattle Dog (aka Queensland or Blue Heeler), and she is about 9 months old. She is an absolute love...very affectionate, and excellent with the grandkids. One night near Christmas, the Puddin' Pop comes into the room "walking" the dog...or more accurately pulling her around by the collar. Dingo was obediently following her, despite the fact that an almost 3 year old isn't all that gentle. She sleeps on the bed with us...something our other two dogs don't much care for, and she cuddles. It's wonderful! She also sits on our laps...something the other two dogs are too big for.

It's funny...CO and I always swore two dogs was plenty, and three dogs was way too many. We never would have sought out a third dog. Yet we needed her. It is the unexpected gifts, that are always the best.

Note* I don't know why this post will not format correctly. It keeps deleting my paragraph separators, and I don't have time to screw with it. If you've read this far with the dysfunctional formatting, I thank you, and I apologize for being a dumbass.

Sad Endings and Hopeful Beginnings

The last few weeks have been filled with more ups and downs than any two week period I can recall.

First, my parents came to visit. Being unemployed, they had the time off, and CO and I decided to have them join us for the holidays as a Christmas present to them, and to us. Unfortunately, once they got here, all of us came down with a hateful cold that hung around for the entire holiday season. The gift that keeps on giving.

On Christmas Eve, the day my family traditionally celebrates the holiday, my father received news that he won his appeal with the State of Nevada over unemployment. This was followed by a wonderful evening spend with CO, my parents, Orin and his wife and son, and Melvin and his fiance and daughter. The only thing missing was my grandpa, who elected not to make the trip to Southern California due to the hateful cold. He doesn't bounce back the way he used to, and decided to trade that one day, for the privilege of being healthy for the next month or two. While we missed him, and our gift giving was more limited this year by financial strains, we still had a wonderful family night together.

Unfortunately the most devastating of the downs was only a few hours away, with the passing of my cousin early Christmas morning. Thanks to all of you who sent your condolences to Lori's loved ones. I ache for the loss her immediate family is suffering. Her death has left a noticeable hole* in my heart, so I cannot even imagine the depth of pain they are feeling. I wish I could take it away for them.

This loss was followed by a pipe bursting under our house on the Saturday following Christmas. Of course it was a pipe that was under the concrete under the house, and thus not one that was fixable. Two days of no hot water were followed by a plumbing bill that no one should have to pay 4 days after Christmas, which by the way was the first Christmas I did not receive a Christmas bonus as I am a partner now, and only a few days after CO received a Christmas bonus that was significantly less than what we had budgeted on. I felt a wee bit like Clark Griswald. I guess we should have been grateful it wasn't a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club, but still...

Bumber, as my darling granddaughter would say.

While the plumber was there assessing the damage, my mother was stuck inside the house with four barking dogs (one of hers, three of mine...and yes, I still need to tell you about the new dog). In an attempt to settle all the furry critters down, she locked two of them in separate bedrooms. The two older ones immediately chilled out and went back to their naps. She thought all was right with the world. Uhm, no. When she went to let our new dog out of our bedroom, she discovered that New Dog had tried to dig her way out of our bedroom. While she did not succeed in getting all the way out, she did manage to dig through the carpet to the hard wood floor beneath it. All the way through. All the way through the carpet that was installed just 16 months ago. All the way through the carpet whose remnant sat in our guest room closet for 15 months and two weeks, and was finally tossed out to make room for our holiday guests. All the way through the carpet that the company no longer carries. Yeah...that carpet.

At roughly the same time all this fun was happening at home, unbeknown to me, I was at work receiving a surprise e-mail from Yute, who you may remember from the stories here here here here here and here (phew!). I have had very limited communications with him in the past 3 or 4 years, and certainly nothing that was not initiated by me, so I was pleasantly surprised to see his name in my inbox. Let's say the pleasant feeling did not last. He was very angry and very bitter over his perceived abandonment, and he decided to take this out on me a few days after Christmas. I suppose I should take it as a compliment that he felt he could share his feelings with me, because most of this was aimed at CO, but as the buffer, I got splattered with all the shit that hit the fan.

In many ways this was good, however. We always hoped he would one day want to hear CO's side of the story, but we assumed he would be much older and, ideally, mature enough to handle it. Unfortunately, this is what we got, so no time like the present, I guess. I spent hours on my response to him. I wanted to be very careful to validate his feelings, yet explain why these feelings are misplaced. I wanted to defend CO (and myself too), but not trash his mother, because I knew he would immediately stop "listening" if I said anything bad about her (not to mention she might fly into a wicked rage). I wanted to admit to our mistakes, yet not let him completely off the hook for his own. And most importantly, I wanted him to know that despite all of this, we still loved him and always would, even if he didn't want us to.

On New Year's Day our phone rang, and it was Yute calling to wish us a Happy New Year. Yute called us. This is a New Year's miracle. He followed this call up on Friday with another, and asked if he could come down and spend the night with us. And he actually did come down (his mother actually let him)...another New Year's miracle. Better yet, the evening wasn't a total disaster. He didn't talk about the letter. I don't think he was ready for that, but he was ready to spend some time with us, and eventually I hope he becomes comfortable enough to sit down and talk about it. For now I will be content with the fact that he read it, and he initiated the contact afterward.

Of course Orin is very skeptical, and very outspoken in his opinion that we are being scammed...again. He is sure that Yute was just after the Christmas gift we originally withheld this year for the first time ever (we relented, and had it ready for him when he came to see us). Orin might be right. But how could we not take the chance?

Orin is a new father. He does not yet understand that one day, no matter how awesome your children are, they will do something that hurts you, or disappoints you, or worse, but you never give up on them. Orin's son is almost 5 moths old...he is easy to love. Orin cannot yet conceive of a time that his son will NOT be easy to love, but as surely as the sun rises, it will happen. Of course when this happens, you love them anyway. Orin cannot recall the times he hurt us, yet we forgave him...ahhh the bliss of selective memory. He doesn't believe we should afford Yute the same opportunity. He is defending our honor in a completely misplaced way, and he cannot understand why we are not grateful he never wants to speak to his younger brother...allegedly on our behalf. He sees it as a betrayal that we are taking Yute's "side" in this, and not supporting him, the loyal son. The whole prodigal son story comes to mind right now.

Suffice it to say, I am exhausted from trying to balance the two strong personalities that are Orin and Yute, and trying to be who they both need us to be, without betraying either one. All I can say is thank God for Melvin, who is truly the middle child...the mellow, go-with-the-flow, peacemaker. I hope he can help us though this tedious and tricky process.

Of course Melvin's life is not without strife. His mother treated his fiance and daughter very shabbily this Christmas, and he feels torn between the two, his own loyalties questioned. He is a good boy, and he doesn't want to let anyone down. Unfortunately, he also tends to be the bury your head in the sand kind of person, and I know he hopes this will just go away. It won't. He has to take a stand. Of course I am biased, and I cannot tell him what to do, or it will be my fault. It hurts to watch them struggle through these things and not be able to fix them. It is the hardest part of being a parent.

Of course another upside...my Trojans did win the Rose Bowl.

On the down side...my parent's left for home today.

And the holidays are over.

And tax season is coming.

Ups and downs galore. 2008 ended horribly. 2009 began with a pleasant surprise. I am trying remain dubiously hopeful.

Still, I am ready to get off this damned roller coaster. I need a more even tempoed ride. Maybe a train. Or an inner tube on a lake.

Here's hoping 2009 can improve on the previous model. Happy New Year to everyone!

*Egads! I used the word "whole" in my original post. That is why you proofread. Yet another resolution on which for me to work! Sorry, Dear Readers!