Stolen Monday Meme

I've seen this here, and somewhere else too, but I can't remember where. Sorry if I left you off.

You are supposed to bold the items you have actually done. Of course, I had to add my own commentary (in italics) here and there.

Started my own blog - Self evident no?
Slept under the stars - In my backyard when I was a kid
Played in a band - I have no musical talent whatsoever
Visited Hawaii - Not yet
Watched a meteor shower
Given more than I can afford to charity
Been to Disneyland/world - Both! In fact, I am going to Disneyland next weekend! Woo hoo!
Climbed a mountain - Are you kidding? That would entail more effort than I care to expend.
Held a praying mantis - I've never even seen one in person
Sung a solo - In my car. I don't think that's what they meant.
Bungee jumped - Hell no!
Visited Paris - As long as I am married to CO, this will never happen.
Watched lightning at sea - Hmmmm. Maybe. I won't count it though.
Taught myself an art from scratch - Define art?
Adopted a child - Not formally or officially, but as the step-mother to three boys, I sort of did.
Had food poisoning - Twice! Unfortunately.
Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty - Never been to New York either.
Grown my own vegetables - Hahaha!
Seen the Mona Lisa in France - Not likely. See Paris above.
Slept on an overnight train - Denver to Creston, Iowa
Had a pillow fight - yes but contrary to CO's overactive imagination, I never "accidentally" kissed my college roommate during one of these adventures.
Hitchhiked - Noooo! I was way too scared!
Taken a sick day when not ill
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping - No one wants to see that. Believe me.
Run a marathon - Are you kidding? WHY would I do that?
Ridden in a gondola in Venice - I guess I need to be more specific...I've never been to Europe at all.
Seen a total eclipse
Watched a sunrise or sunset
Hit a home run - I was a pitcher...not so much of a hitter. I always hit it to the 3rd baseman...always! I sucked!
Been on a cruise
Seen Niagara Falls in person - I've still bever been to New York
Visited the birthplace of my ancestors - or Europe
Seen an Amish community - But I have been to Pennsylvania and Iowa...the travel hot spots of the world
Taught myself a new language - Does piglatin count?
Had enough money to be truly satisfied - Does money make you truly satisfied?
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person - Since it is in Europe, I am going to say no.
Gone rock climbing - No! No mountains. No rocks. No climbing!
Seen Michelangelo's David - In a picture.
Sung karaoke - and very badly, I might add.
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt - I've obviously never been anywhere...except Pennsylvania and Iowa
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visited Africa - Guess what...never been! I know you're shocked.
Walked on a beach by moonlight
Been transported in an ambulance - Thank God, no!
Had my portrait painted - Ugh! My mom made me sit for THREE of them!
Gone deep sea fishing
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person - More with the Europe?
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - What's this meme's fixation on Europe. Jeez! With one good vacation i could wipe out half this meme!
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Gone to a drive-in theater - I used to love this! I wish they were still around!
Been in a movie - Uhm, home movies! And not THAT kind, so stop giggling!
Visited the Great Wall of China - Oh China this time? I've never been there either. Try again!
Started a business
Taken a martial arts class - But I could still kick your ass. You wanna step outside?
Visited Russia - Another fail!
Served at a soup kitchen
Sold Girl Scout Cookies
Gone whale watching - Does Sea World count? I didn't think so.
Gotten flowers for no reason - There is always a reason...my CO is awesome!
Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Gone sky diving - Again...Hell no!
Visited a Nazi concentration camp
Bounced a check - Unfortunately
Flown in a helicopter
Saved a favorite childhood toy - You mean like the stiffed dog named Rags who is at this very minute in my bedroom at home? Like that?
Visited the Lincoln Memorial - Ha! Gotcha! I HAVE been to D.C.! Surprise, surprise!
Eaten caviar - Ewwww! No!
Pieced a quilt - But I'd love to!
Stood in Times Square - I still haven't been to New York.
Toured the Everglades - While I HAVE been to Florida, we did not visit the Everglades. I don;t think. If we did, I don't remember it.
Been fired from a job - Never! Thankfully!
Seen the Changing of the Guard in London - I grow tired of these travel questions designed to make me feel lame!
Broken a bone - But only fractures...and only little bones, so maybe I shoudln't count this one.
Been on a speeding motorcycle - Not even on a stationary motorcycle!
Seen the Grand Canyon in person - I have no excuse for this one. I have lived with a day's drive my entire life, and have still never been. See, I AM LAME!
Published a book - Oh I wish!
Visited the Vatican - Still lame!
Bought a brand new car - Three times!
Walked in Jerusalem - L.A.M.E. Lame!
Had my picture in the newspaper - Yes! Hahaha! I need to find that clip! I was sitting outside the academy awards with a sign. I can't tell you what it said. I need to show you for full effect.
Read the entire Bible - I've had it read to me, but I've not read it myself.
Visited the White House - "We're walking. We're walking. We're stopping." Name that movie!
Killed and prepared an animal for eating - "That is why God inveted the A&P." Name THAT movie!
Had chickenpox - NO! Can you believe that? I am the only person I know who has never had it.
Saved someone's life - Only in the completely metaphorical sense.
Sat on a jury - Yes! It was hideous! As an accountant, I am a rational thinker and I just have no patience for people whose only logic is "just because I think so."
Met someone famous - When I was like 8 I got Tony Danza's autograph. I didn't exactly meet him though. But it was the 70's and I thought he was hot! Stop laughing...I was 8!
Joined a book club - But it was all about the having dinner and catching up with friends. Eventually, we jettisoned the books.
Lost a loved one - I love you, Grandma.
Had a baby
Seen the Alamo in person - No...but I remember it.
Swam in the Great Salt Lake - The only time I've ever been near it, is when I flew over it. Frnakly, I'm glad the plane stayed in the air and spared me that swim.
Been involved in a law suit - And let's keep it that way!
Owned a cell phone - Can't you hear my awesome ring tone now?
Been stung by a bee - Three times!
Ridden an elephant
Read all three volumes of the Lord of the Rings - But I've read all the Harry Potter books
Visited the Taj Mahal - I am so done with these travel questions.
Performed in a dance recital - No, but that would have been comedy for anyone watching!
Been on horseback while the horse jumped over something
Won an athletic competition - I wasn't always this lazy. I was a starter on a basketball team that went undefeated three years running. Oh, and I had the best pitching record (girls' fast-pitch softball) in the state of Nevada my junior year of high school. I know...that's not really a competition, but I still felt the need to brag.
Gotten a straight-A report card - More bragging. How obnoxious!
Prayed to Zeus - Just about everyone else...but not Zeus. Maybe I should try that.
Watched news coverage, rapt, to see what was going to happen - 9/11 comes to mind
Gotten lost in a building more than 500 years old - As you undoubtedly know by now, I have barely been out of the U.S. There are no buildings even near that old anywhere I've been. Except maybe some pueblos. But they don't let you actually get in them. Besides, they are pretty small, and hard to get lost in.
Kissed somebody milliseconds before bells started to ring - Perhaps metaphorical alram bells!

I haven't done much, apparently. Now that I am depressed beyond words at the failure that is my life, I guess I will sign off.