I know. I know. I've been negligent. But it is tax season, so it isn't likely to get any better between now and April 15th.
But I DID have a very important, pressing question for everyone.
What is your opinion on baby showers for second babies?
I was raised to believe that you get a shower for your first only. That is your first wedding, your first baby, whatever. But over the last, oh, I'd say eight to ten years, I have seen a plethora of second showers. Am I being too traditionalist? Is this now okay? Should we be celebrating all happy events in this manner? Why should baby number two be less welcomed than baby number one? Or is this just making a pest of yourself with your friends and family? Hasn't the sentiment always been that if they want to buy you a gift, they will, but you shouldn't put them in the awkward position of forced generosity...at least not twice?
I need your help here, Peeps. Seriously.
Gentlemen, I welcome your input on this topic, of course, but if you seriously have no opinion on this issue, I beg you to ask your lovely and brilliant wives their opinions. I am always down to hear what J-Mom, the Ladybug or the Sainted Bride has to say...just to name a few.
Thanks so much!
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7 comments:
I'll ask. I was going to say that I think they have 'em for each baby these days, but now I'm not so sure.
I don't know. About half of the families I know had showers for the first baby only; the other half had them for later babies as well.
I do think if it's a "really later" baby (like more than 5 years after the first), it's "more okay" because chances are the parents have handed-down to friends or cousins a lot of the stuff that can be handed down to a younger sibling.
I do think it's crass (as I've seen in a few cases) to ask for cash or checks, so that either it can "go in the college fund" or so the parents can "buy what they want" for the baby.
(I'm also of the opinion that allowing young children to register for their birthdays at toy stores and stuff - like a wedding registry, only for a six year old and toys - is kind of crass as well.)
That said, I do think it's nice for there to be at least a few new things for the younger children. It may be a bit much for co-workers to be asked every 2 years to fork out for the next little one that the wife of a co-worker they don't like all that well, but I wouldn't have a problem with close friends or family hosting an additional shower.
The height of crassness, IMHO? Sending a mass e-mail to everyone on campus, advertising the new baby of someone in the administration (therefore someone making more than 90% of the people on campus) and suggesting that "appropriate baby gifts" be provided. (Yes, that happened once here. I think after that they instated a policy that e-mails had to be "approved" before they could go out as a mass e-mail.)
I think it's great to celebrate every baby coming. I have seen diaper showers for the not first babies and close pregnancies. A time just to celebrate and Mom gets mostly diapers for the new baby.
Yes, if the second baby is different gender too, then it's okay also.
I have also seen baby showers after the baby is born for the not first babies, so everyone gets a chance to see the baby. The presents are usually not as massive as the first baby.
My third baby was spaced out quite a bit and a boy after 2 girls. We moved to Georia 6 weeks before he was born and the wonderful people at church threw me a shower--such a blessing, because Cullen had been out of work a good portion of the pregnancy, and I hadn't kept any baby stuff.
I don't think any one would turn down a shower, but I don't think anyone should expect a shower.
I agree with ricki on the spacing thing and J-Mom on the different gender thing. Amen.
It really should be for the first one only, except in the case of several years between first and second (and you know they need stuff). For the last two new nephews, my mom and I took my SIL to lunch and gave her a couple of new things. Even that embarrassed her a little.
It seems as if nobody gives gifts *after* the baby arrives, anymore. I will be--my cousins just had twins!
I'm with J-Mom, personally: if folks want to surprise you with a second shower, that would be a sweet and welcomed gesture - but to expect it? I think it's kind of tacky.
I'll have to ask Ladybug what she thinks...
Thanks for the input everyone! I don't know how, exactly to broach this topic with the subjects at hand without sounding like a bitch, so I am just gathering info at this point. This is a battle I will probably lose, but...
In this specific case, it is only a three year gap, and baby #1 and baby #2 are the same sex.
Anyway. Thanks! You have been very helpful.
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