Lordy Lordy Here Comes 40

I turned 40 today. Birthdays ending in zeros tend to inspire some navel gazing, even with the most positive of attitudes. The good news is, I am quite satisfied with my life at 40. I have learned some amazing things in my first 40 years.

First, I am facing this milestone with some appreciation rather than trepidation, because I am one of the lucky ones. I GET to turn 40. Unfortunate events like this and this have taught me that not everyone is so blessed.


Next, I have a wonderful husband in CO. Few people are as fortunate to have intimacy and friendship, trust and respect, love and support all wrapped up in the same person. My CO is hard to get to know, and many don't understand him, but I know who he is, and he is a good man. He teaches me every day that is it much better to be rich in love than material goods.

I also have three step sons whom I cherish. At 40 I realize that I am never likely to experience motherhood in the traditional way, and most certainly I have missed something. For many the sense of loss accompanying this void is a constant, acute pain, but thanks to these amazing boys this has eased to a dull ache for me, such that some days I don't even notice it, and most days no one else does. While I know I am not their mother, I also know they love me. They have taught me many lessons, not the least of which is that while you can't always get what you want, sometimes you get what you need.

Even things with Yute are better these days, which is a gift for which I dared not hope. Yet here it is...which teaches me to never give up on the really important stuff.

Of course I cannot mention the boys without mentioning the greatest gifts they have given me. While the four little bundles of joy known as Puddin' Pop, HiC, Punkin' Pie and Peanut were not exactly heralded with singular joy, coming as they did with so much worry, I adore each and every one of them. They are truly little miracles, and I couldn't love them more if they had been planned under the best of circumstances. They have taught me that even when things seem their worst, there is always a silver lining.

I am also extremely lucky to have wonderful parents, who taught me to be strong and independent. I couldn't possibly cover all of the lessons they have taught me over the last 40 years. They have been, and continue to be great examples to me. They have suffered over the last year an a half, but despite all this, they are staying positive. They are now embarking on a new course...one quite different from what they had planned. So the most recent thing I have learned from them is that even the best laid plans can go awry, but keep your chin up and believe there is a reason for everything. Sometimes you just have to go with it.

And even luckier still...at 40 I still have a living grandparent, who is still living on his own, unassisted, and in good health. A short time after I was born, he lost his hand in an industrial accident. This was 40 years ago, long before workers' comp and AD&D insurance; long before huge legal settlements were handed out like candy to people who burned their tongues on hot coffee. Yet, it barely slowed him down. I don't think in 40 years I have heard him say, "I can't" simply because of his hand. Four years ago he lost his wife of over 50 years, my beloved grandma, and this was just one more trial he faced with uncommon grace. He has taught me that bitterness has no place in life. Whatever life hands you, rock on.

In addition to all of these wonderful people, I have terrific friends. I still talk regularly with my best friends from elementary school, junior high, high school and college, not to mention some true blue friends from my adult life. These folks have been with me through thick and thin, and although we may not speak every day, or sometimes for months at a time, I know that if I truly need them, they would be there. They have taught me many things too, not the least of which is how to laugh at myself.

I cannot forget to mention my three four-legged children...my wonderful dogs. no one loves me as unconditionally as they do. I have learned form them that to truly be the best person you can be, you should try to be more like your dog.

Lastly, I am gainfully employed, and actually met the career goals I had set for myself to reach by 40. In this crappy economy, that is more than I could hope for. My career teaches me daily that there is always more to learn.

So there it is, the lessons I have learned in my first 40 years. I can't imagine what the next 40 years will bring. But no matter what happens next, life's been good to me so far, and I couldn't have asked for more.