People Suck

My week at a continuing education seminar last week reminded me of something I sometimes forget...I don't like people.

Oh, I like individual persons just fine, but people as a whole, not so much. People en mass are rude and obnoxious and annoying. You know what I'm talking about.

For example, there is the diagonal street crosser. You're driving around the parking lot, looking for an empty spot, and you have to wait for someone to cross the street. But do they go straight across quickly, allowing you to pass in the least possible amount of time? Oh no, they cross in a long diagonal, taking as much space and time as humanly possible. Who cares about anyone else's time...it's all about them, isn't it?

Another example is the crowd pusher. You know the one. You're all standing around, waiting for the conference room to open so you can go in and get a seat...hundreds of you, waiting for the same thing. Or maybe there are fifty people waiting to board a plane. Whatever. Then along comes the crowd pusher...the person who insists on pushing their way to the front of the crowd, as if they alone are waiting, and their mere presence will get things rolling. The rest of the crowd is apparently standing around because they have nothing better to do, but the crowd pusher, they are busy. They need to get the show on the road. To hell with everyone else.

There are also the talker/knuckle cracker/nail clipper/disgusting nasal sound/cell phone answerers. These are the folks who make themselves heard during a formal presentation. Someone poor schlep is standing before a group of people, presenting information that may be valuable to those listening, when a group of talkers burst out in barely quieted conversation. We are not talking whispers here, we are talking normal speaking voices.

Or, as an alternative, they sit and crack their knuckles repeatedly, or take the opportunity to clip their fingernails. It always seems to go on forever, leaving me wondering exactly what kind of mutant is sitting in the audience. How many digits does this freak show actually have, because I have counted up to 37 clips already?

Or perhaps they decide to answer their loudly ringing cell phone with a full and boisterous "Hello? Oh, nothing...what are you doing?"

Or maybe they have that annoying and grotesque personal habit of clearing their phlegm filled throat or snorting their nasal mucus every 45 seconds. I try so hard to ignore it, because on some level, I know they cannot help it, but it's like trying to fall asleep when something is dripping or a dog is barking. You hope you won't hear the sound again, but you find you whole body is tensed up waiting for it...you can't focus on anything else, and just as you start to relax, and believe it is over, there is that sound again.

Not to be left out, there is Mr. Boob Gawker. Ladies, you are familiar with this man. This is the older man standing next to you in the crowd, sometimes with his wife standing right next to him, who cannot stop staring at your boobs. And what is a person supposed to do about this, I ask you? Do you stare him down? It won't matter! He will never notice, because he isn't looking at your face to see that you are staring him down in the first place.

So you see what I mean. Persons are fine, but people...people are horrible, inconsiderate assholes! It makes me want to hole up in my house and never venture out again. People suck!