Sad Endings and Hopeful Beginnings

The last few weeks have been filled with more ups and downs than any two week period I can recall.

First, my parents came to visit. Being unemployed, they had the time off, and CO and I decided to have them join us for the holidays as a Christmas present to them, and to us. Unfortunately, once they got here, all of us came down with a hateful cold that hung around for the entire holiday season. The gift that keeps on giving.

On Christmas Eve, the day my family traditionally celebrates the holiday, my father received news that he won his appeal with the State of Nevada over unemployment. This was followed by a wonderful evening spend with CO, my parents, Orin and his wife and son, and Melvin and his fiance and daughter. The only thing missing was my grandpa, who elected not to make the trip to Southern California due to the hateful cold. He doesn't bounce back the way he used to, and decided to trade that one day, for the privilege of being healthy for the next month or two. While we missed him, and our gift giving was more limited this year by financial strains, we still had a wonderful family night together.

Unfortunately the most devastating of the downs was only a few hours away, with the passing of my cousin early Christmas morning. Thanks to all of you who sent your condolences to Lori's loved ones. I ache for the loss her immediate family is suffering. Her death has left a noticeable hole* in my heart, so I cannot even imagine the depth of pain they are feeling. I wish I could take it away for them.

This loss was followed by a pipe bursting under our house on the Saturday following Christmas. Of course it was a pipe that was under the concrete under the house, and thus not one that was fixable. Two days of no hot water were followed by a plumbing bill that no one should have to pay 4 days after Christmas, which by the way was the first Christmas I did not receive a Christmas bonus as I am a partner now, and only a few days after CO received a Christmas bonus that was significantly less than what we had budgeted on. I felt a wee bit like Clark Griswald. I guess we should have been grateful it wasn't a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club, but still...

Bumber, as my darling granddaughter would say.

While the plumber was there assessing the damage, my mother was stuck inside the house with four barking dogs (one of hers, three of mine...and yes, I still need to tell you about the new dog). In an attempt to settle all the furry critters down, she locked two of them in separate bedrooms. The two older ones immediately chilled out and went back to their naps. She thought all was right with the world. Uhm, no. When she went to let our new dog out of our bedroom, she discovered that New Dog had tried to dig her way out of our bedroom. While she did not succeed in getting all the way out, she did manage to dig through the carpet to the hard wood floor beneath it. All the way through. All the way through the carpet that was installed just 16 months ago. All the way through the carpet whose remnant sat in our guest room closet for 15 months and two weeks, and was finally tossed out to make room for our holiday guests. All the way through the carpet that the company no longer carries. Yeah...that carpet.

At roughly the same time all this fun was happening at home, unbeknown to me, I was at work receiving a surprise e-mail from Yute, who you may remember from the stories here here here here here and here (phew!). I have had very limited communications with him in the past 3 or 4 years, and certainly nothing that was not initiated by me, so I was pleasantly surprised to see his name in my inbox. Let's say the pleasant feeling did not last. He was very angry and very bitter over his perceived abandonment, and he decided to take this out on me a few days after Christmas. I suppose I should take it as a compliment that he felt he could share his feelings with me, because most of this was aimed at CO, but as the buffer, I got splattered with all the shit that hit the fan.

In many ways this was good, however. We always hoped he would one day want to hear CO's side of the story, but we assumed he would be much older and, ideally, mature enough to handle it. Unfortunately, this is what we got, so no time like the present, I guess. I spent hours on my response to him. I wanted to be very careful to validate his feelings, yet explain why these feelings are misplaced. I wanted to defend CO (and myself too), but not trash his mother, because I knew he would immediately stop "listening" if I said anything bad about her (not to mention she might fly into a wicked rage). I wanted to admit to our mistakes, yet not let him completely off the hook for his own. And most importantly, I wanted him to know that despite all of this, we still loved him and always would, even if he didn't want us to.

On New Year's Day our phone rang, and it was Yute calling to wish us a Happy New Year. Yute called us. This is a New Year's miracle. He followed this call up on Friday with another, and asked if he could come down and spend the night with us. And he actually did come down (his mother actually let him)...another New Year's miracle. Better yet, the evening wasn't a total disaster. He didn't talk about the letter. I don't think he was ready for that, but he was ready to spend some time with us, and eventually I hope he becomes comfortable enough to sit down and talk about it. For now I will be content with the fact that he read it, and he initiated the contact afterward.

Of course Orin is very skeptical, and very outspoken in his opinion that we are being scammed...again. He is sure that Yute was just after the Christmas gift we originally withheld this year for the first time ever (we relented, and had it ready for him when he came to see us). Orin might be right. But how could we not take the chance?

Orin is a new father. He does not yet understand that one day, no matter how awesome your children are, they will do something that hurts you, or disappoints you, or worse, but you never give up on them. Orin's son is almost 5 moths old...he is easy to love. Orin cannot yet conceive of a time that his son will NOT be easy to love, but as surely as the sun rises, it will happen. Of course when this happens, you love them anyway. Orin cannot recall the times he hurt us, yet we forgave him...ahhh the bliss of selective memory. He doesn't believe we should afford Yute the same opportunity. He is defending our honor in a completely misplaced way, and he cannot understand why we are not grateful he never wants to speak to his younger brother...allegedly on our behalf. He sees it as a betrayal that we are taking Yute's "side" in this, and not supporting him, the loyal son. The whole prodigal son story comes to mind right now.

Suffice it to say, I am exhausted from trying to balance the two strong personalities that are Orin and Yute, and trying to be who they both need us to be, without betraying either one. All I can say is thank God for Melvin, who is truly the middle child...the mellow, go-with-the-flow, peacemaker. I hope he can help us though this tedious and tricky process.

Of course Melvin's life is not without strife. His mother treated his fiance and daughter very shabbily this Christmas, and he feels torn between the two, his own loyalties questioned. He is a good boy, and he doesn't want to let anyone down. Unfortunately, he also tends to be the bury your head in the sand kind of person, and I know he hopes this will just go away. It won't. He has to take a stand. Of course I am biased, and I cannot tell him what to do, or it will be my fault. It hurts to watch them struggle through these things and not be able to fix them. It is the hardest part of being a parent.

Of course another upside...my Trojans did win the Rose Bowl.

On the down side...my parent's left for home today.

And the holidays are over.

And tax season is coming.

Ups and downs galore. 2008 ended horribly. 2009 began with a pleasant surprise. I am trying remain dubiously hopeful.

Still, I am ready to get off this damned roller coaster. I need a more even tempoed ride. Maybe a train. Or an inner tube on a lake.

Here's hoping 2009 can improve on the previous model. Happy New Year to everyone!

*Egads! I used the word "whole" in my original post. That is why you proofread. Yet another resolution on which for me to work! Sorry, Dear Readers!