The Soundtrack of My Life

I kind of started this once before, but in a different way. Still, I am looking for a quick blog fix this time of year, so I am going to try and revive this.

Somehow during this tax season, it became a challenge for a few of us to create an iPod playlist of our 100 favorite songs of all time. I don't know about that...I think it is more of "right now," and is comprised of some songs that I truly love, some are just newer acquisitions (although not new songs) that I'm really into right now, while others are meaningful to me for one reason or another, but maybe not technically favorite songs. Either way I came up with a list. I had to cheat a little though...it is actually comprised of 101 songs. I just couldn't pare off that last song.

These are the songs that make up the fabric of my life. Cullen recently wrote about having a theme song, and how it changes from time to time. This is kind of like that. These are songs that I associate with myself, a loved one, or songs that evoke a strong memory or feeling...even if it is just strong need to shake my booty.

So begins my list. Several I have already written about, earlier this year in the prior incarnation of music posts, and those are:


1) Dancing Queen by ABBA

2) You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC

3) Mandy by Barry Manilow

4) Nights on Broadway by The Bee Gees, and

5) No Surrender by Bruce Springsteen

In light of American Idol celebrating the Beatles for a few weeks (but thankfully not again this week!), I thought I'd celebrate the only Beatles' song on my list.

Let It Be, The Beatles
Last year, when I was so troubled about to move or not to move, to change jobs or not, in dealing with my guilt over various family issues, I found a cell phone charm that had a peace symbol on one side, and on the back it had three simple words..."Let It Be."

I bought it immediately.

I know this is cliche, but still so true for me. I love the Beatles in general, but still this is the only song to make the Top 101, because it is the only one that I have tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to incorporate into a general life philosophy. Turns out, I am not a "Let it Be" kind of girl. I like to control...yes, I admit it, and sometimes that is a good thing. But we all know there are other times, when you simply have no control. And for someone like me, that is a difficult place to be. I fight, I struggle, I pound my head against the wall, and rail at the injustice. And in the end I am bruised and broken and exhausted, and I still have no control.

Once, early in my relationship with CO, when Yute's mother, who by the way, is the queen of all control freaks, was causing me to have one of my step-mother meltdowns, CO slapped me into reality (figuratively, of course). He reminded me that I had no control over the queen, and getting upset accomplished nothing at all. In fact, my being upset did not make her feel bad...it made her feel good. She took pleasure in my misery. All I ended up doing was making myself (and CO) crazy, ruining whatever weekend, holiday, vacation, etc. we had planned by being upset, and thus bringing the queen supreme joy and happiness. I had to stop trying to control the uncontrollable, and I had to stop letting my joy be determined by her behavior. I had to learn to have fun, even when things didn't go my way.

In other words...I had to let it be.

This is a lesson I still struggle with literally every day, but I have gotten much better at it in the last 12 years. Now I am happy all on my own with CO, and if the boys, and now the grandkids, can be part of it, so much the better, but my happiness is not tied to their participation. Sometimes the boys' mothers still push my buttons, but I have (mostly) stopped trying to control them...a lesson that applies to the boys now too, since two of them are adults with kids of their own (or on the way). I don't always agree with their choices, but I have found I cannot control them any better than their mothers, so I've got to let it be. Family relationships tend to stay more peaceful under this philosophy.

And last year, when we couldn't decide what to do about moving, I gave myself up to fate. I knew the right course would present itself, if I just let it be. And it did.

So preach it Brother Paul...

When I find myself in times of trouble,
mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom,
let it be
And in my hour of darkness
she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom,
let it be