I was reading a novel in which the author said something about music and smells being the strongest memory triggers.
I think this is true. When I was driving home from my conference little over a week ago, I was listening to my iPod, and several songs evoked strong memories of people or places. I felt transported back in time for a few moments. Nothing like a long drive alone to ponder and reflect.
So my selection today is based upon that premise. I have picked the two songs on my 101 list that most remind me of my first love, whom I briefly mentioned in association with another song, but these are the two that really bring him to mind:
Living in Sin (Bon Jovi)
It was the late 80's. I loved Bon Jovi. Then this song came out, and my roommate told me it reminded her of me and R. I remember thinking she was so right on.
Now before I reminisce too much, let me say that I love my CO very, very much, and would never change a thing. But the past is what it is, and all roads not taken led to CO. This is just one of those roads. Still, I try to look back fondly on those roads, those days, those people, of which R is one.
I met R my first day of college, and we proceeded very quickly into a relationship that would span more than two years. He was born in Mexico and immigrated here with his family when he was a little boy. The inter-racial/cultural thing lent a forbidden fruit quality to the relationship that I think we both embraced. For the first time in my life, I felt like a rebel, and that just turned up the heat on my raging teenage hormones, which when combined with the excitement of being away at college, and falling in love for the first time, was a powerful cocktail.
"Now there's a million questions
I could ask about our lives
But I only need one answer
To get me through the night"
Love Bites (Def Leppard)
It was still the late 80's, and I loved Def Leppard. Then he broke my heart, I found out that love CAN bite.
Still, he wasn't a bad guy. He just saw what I refused to see...we loved each other, but in the end, it wouldn't last forever. We were very different people, who came from very different places. His mother spoke no English, and I spoke no Spanish. Neither one of us had lived enough to be sure of something that would be so difficult. He was so right. When I try to picture what my life would be if I had stayed with him, I cannot get a clear picture. All I know is it would be very different from the life I have now.
"I don't wanna touch you too much baby, 'cause making love to you might drive me crazy.
I know you think that love is the way you make it, so I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it.
Love bites, love bleeds...It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies...It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads...It's what I need"
There are a few other songs, not on the 101 list that make me think of R. Most notably Genesis' Throwing It All Away. I was so sure he was going to be sorry some day...that he would never find another girl like me. Don't we all think that? In the end, that was probably true, but I doubt it turned out to be a bad thing.
So here's to R! Thanks. I hope you are happy with your life...where ever you are.
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