The Soundtrack of My Life - Track 9

Nine Tonight - Bob Seger

For no reason I can't think of...I just love this song. It always makes me wiggle a little. No deeper meaning is necessary.

She says she wants to see me
She's tired of stayin' in
She says she wants some rockin'
She's got the right man

The Soundtrack of My Life - Track 8

Dream On - Aerosmith
Even though this song was written in 1973, and I heard it plenty of times before, I didn't really "discover" it until college, when a kick ass radio station came on the scene. I was at a great place in my life at that time...I was learning; I was in love; I had great friends, great fun, great freedom, and this song. Life was good.

Of course as life has been known to do, especially when you are young, things turned shitty quickly, and then got better, and worse, then better, and...well, you know the drill.

But for that moment in time, everything was magic.

To this day, that song reminds me of those carefree, young love, party days, and the warm California sun. Of being young and blissfully ignorant of the trials to come.

So sing with me...

Every time when I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Every body's got their dues in life to pay...

Half my life is books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know it's true,
All these feelings come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

The Soundtrack of My Life - Track 7

Don't Worry Baby, The Beach Boys
I never would have put this song on the list a year ago. But then a few months ago, I clicked the playlist on my iPod that tracks the 25 Most Played Songs, and here this was...the number 1 most played song on my list. I was puzzled.

Then the more I thought of it, I wasn't. I do like this song...I just don't know why. Of course it is almost impossible not to be happy when you are listening to the Beach Boys, but beyond that general vague joy, it is does not evoke a strong emotional response. Nor has it any deep meaning for me. It is not associated with an old boyfriend. I did not lose my virginity to this song. It did not play at my wedding. The Beach Boys were a staple on our family car trips, but this particular song does not stick out from any of the others. It does not remind me of my kids.

So why? Why do I apparently listen to this song more than any other?

Maybe because they talk about racing, and I do love me some racing. Or maybe because it is so reassuring...Don't worry, Baby. The message is that as long as you have each other, you will get through it...and who doesn't love that message.

Or maybe I just like it. It might be that simple.

And any song that is the number one played song on your iPod, belongs on the top 101 list...even if you can't figure out why.

She told me "Baby, when you race today
Just take along my love with you
And if you knew how much I loved you, Baby
Nothing could go wrong with you"

Oh what she does to me
When she makes love to me
And she says "Don't worry, Baby"

Don't worry, Baby
Don't worry, Baby
Everything will turn out alright

Let's hope so!

The Soundtrack of My Life

I kind of started this once before, but in a different way. Still, I am looking for a quick blog fix this time of year, so I am going to try and revive this.

Somehow during this tax season, it became a challenge for a few of us to create an iPod playlist of our 100 favorite songs of all time. I don't know about that...I think it is more of "right now," and is comprised of some songs that I truly love, some are just newer acquisitions (although not new songs) that I'm really into right now, while others are meaningful to me for one reason or another, but maybe not technically favorite songs. Either way I came up with a list. I had to cheat a little though...it is actually comprised of 101 songs. I just couldn't pare off that last song.

These are the songs that make up the fabric of my life. Cullen recently wrote about having a theme song, and how it changes from time to time. This is kind of like that. These are songs that I associate with myself, a loved one, or songs that evoke a strong memory or feeling...even if it is just strong need to shake my booty.

So begins my list. Several I have already written about, earlier this year in the prior incarnation of music posts, and those are:


1) Dancing Queen by ABBA

2) You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC

3) Mandy by Barry Manilow

4) Nights on Broadway by The Bee Gees, and

5) No Surrender by Bruce Springsteen

In light of American Idol celebrating the Beatles for a few weeks (but thankfully not again this week!), I thought I'd celebrate the only Beatles' song on my list.

Let It Be, The Beatles
Last year, when I was so troubled about to move or not to move, to change jobs or not, in dealing with my guilt over various family issues, I found a cell phone charm that had a peace symbol on one side, and on the back it had three simple words..."Let It Be."

I bought it immediately.

I know this is cliche, but still so true for me. I love the Beatles in general, but still this is the only song to make the Top 101, because it is the only one that I have tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to incorporate into a general life philosophy. Turns out, I am not a "Let it Be" kind of girl. I like to control...yes, I admit it, and sometimes that is a good thing. But we all know there are other times, when you simply have no control. And for someone like me, that is a difficult place to be. I fight, I struggle, I pound my head against the wall, and rail at the injustice. And in the end I am bruised and broken and exhausted, and I still have no control.

Once, early in my relationship with CO, when Yute's mother, who by the way, is the queen of all control freaks, was causing me to have one of my step-mother meltdowns, CO slapped me into reality (figuratively, of course). He reminded me that I had no control over the queen, and getting upset accomplished nothing at all. In fact, my being upset did not make her feel bad...it made her feel good. She took pleasure in my misery. All I ended up doing was making myself (and CO) crazy, ruining whatever weekend, holiday, vacation, etc. we had planned by being upset, and thus bringing the queen supreme joy and happiness. I had to stop trying to control the uncontrollable, and I had to stop letting my joy be determined by her behavior. I had to learn to have fun, even when things didn't go my way.

In other words...I had to let it be.

This is a lesson I still struggle with literally every day, but I have gotten much better at it in the last 12 years. Now I am happy all on my own with CO, and if the boys, and now the grandkids, can be part of it, so much the better, but my happiness is not tied to their participation. Sometimes the boys' mothers still push my buttons, but I have (mostly) stopped trying to control them...a lesson that applies to the boys now too, since two of them are adults with kids of their own (or on the way). I don't always agree with their choices, but I have found I cannot control them any better than their mothers, so I've got to let it be. Family relationships tend to stay more peaceful under this philosophy.

And last year, when we couldn't decide what to do about moving, I gave myself up to fate. I knew the right course would present itself, if I just let it be. And it did.

So preach it Brother Paul...

When I find myself in times of trouble,
mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom,
let it be
And in my hour of darkness
she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom,
let it be

Idol Chit Chat...Top 10

Busy, busy, busy...here's my quick run down:

David Cook kicked ass. Michael Johns was also very good.

Ramielle and Chikeze (I know I butchered the spelling on both of these names, but it's March 26th, so unless you would like me to stab you with my pen, back off. Just a suggestion) were not good, and are in danger of going home.

Christy finally sang well, and her song choice was, as Simon noted, the most brilliant song choice ever! She won't get voted off after that!

David Archuletta...I am growing to loathe him more every week. I am tired of the hearing the songs of social awareness sung to me like a sermon week in week out by a 17 year old. Stop preaching at me kid! Go be a teenager or something. And for God's sake...STOP CRYING! Every week with the tears. It's played out already. It isn't even close to genuine any more.

AS to David A.'s performance:

CO: "This sounds like something you would hear at Disneyland."

Simon (minutes later): "It sounded like something you would hear at a theme park."

Preach it, Brother Simon!

I love Brooke in general, but last night was only okay. Carly...I really did not like her version of that song. that last note with all the runs, was plain horrible. It wounded my soul. Jason was the same as always, and frankly I'm getting a little bored with it. I know I am missing someone, but can't for the life of me think who it is. They obviously made quite an impression.

And what the hell was Paula wearing? Opera gloves? Seriously?

Happy St. Partick's Day!

Tip a frosty green beer in honor of the day! In fact drink several, because...it's not easy peeing green.

I know...you hate me right now. I'll drink to that!

Dammit...Is it March 14th Already?

Oh well then...happy Steak and Blow Job Day.

Idol Chit Chat...Top 12

Beatles night! Awesome! Except when it wasn't.

I don't have much time so...the best performances were Chekezie, David Cook, and Brooke, who I thought was going to hate, since I love that song, but she did it justice. Carly and Amanda were both decent as well.

Kristy and David Archuletta were both teh suck! I think Kristy will be going home, though. He still has too many people out there buying his sweet little kid thing. I guess I haven't been paying close enough attention, because I just realized last night that he was from Utah. That explains a lot.

The rest were just alright.

Jason sang well, but who is "Hugh?" As in, "If I fell in love with Hugh." He needs to work on that annunciation.

Because I Like Needed a Break

Find out how totally 80's are you at LiquidGeneration!

Omigod! That is like so totally killer. Like I am so stoked, Dude. It's like way awesome to the max. You know?

Never Count Your Money When You're Sitting at the Table

I've been putting off this post for awhile, because it has been a busy, stressful time, and it has been difficult to organize my thoughts. So this may come out as a rambling pile of goo, but here goes nothing.

Back in August of 2007, my dad received a job offer from a casino in eastern Iowa for position of casino manager. My parents had lived in Las Vegas for 23 years, at which time my dad broke into the gaming business. In those 23 years, he had worked for only two employers, and had spent the last 11 years with the same casino.

It was this loyalty that led him to discuss the offer he had received with his current employer, let's call them Farrah's, who owns a casino in western Iowa, and were thrilled to find he would be willing to move to Iowa, as so few people in the Las Vegas gaming industry are willing to give up what they consider the "major leagues" for the "farm team." He was told they desperately needed help in their Council Bluffs location, and if he were willing, they would transfer him, pay all of his relocation costs, and give him the equivalent of a promotion. They balked slightly at the salary issue, choking on the higher standard salary the Vegas employees receive over the Iowa employees, not to mention the salary difference 11 years of seniority bring, but in the end, they came to an agreement, and my dad accepted the offer.

It was a difficult decision. My mom was giving up a job she had worked at for nearly 15 years. My 80 year-old grandfather still resided in Las Vegas, and was not interested in exposing himself to the harsh mid-west winters. In Las Vegas, their only child (me) and three grandchildren were only a few hours away, as opposed to 1,500 miles. Too, there was the matter of the suffering Nevada real estate market, and the very real possibility they would not be able to sell their house in Las Vegas in a timely manner (this concern was alleviated slightly by the provision in the relocation package that after a "reasonable" amount of time, their Las Vegas house could be purchased by the corporation). In the end, the career advancement, the slower pace, and especially the lower cost of living were appealing to them as they headed into their last 5 to 7 working years before retirement.

My parents were typical middle class wage earners for most of their lives. They managed to pay their bills, and establish good credit, but at the end of the day, they didn't have much left over. Sure, they owned a home and two moderately priced cars, and I don't remember ever doing without something I really needed, but it was also clear that "money doesn't grow on trees." Suffice it to say, my parents had day-to-day living covered, but were able to save very little towards retirement for most of their adult lives.

To make matters worse, they had promised their only child (me), they would make sure she could go to the college of her choice, provided that she worked hard, was accepted, and earned some scholarship money for herself. They would make up the difference. Being young, and completely ignorant of financial issues, and probably more than a little selfish, that only child chose one of the most expensive universities in the country. But true to their word, they made up the difference between the cost of the education, and the scholarships and student loans granted to her, and she was able to fulfill her dream. In the mean time, they had to take a second mortgage on their house to accomplish this. So it has only been in the past 10 to 15 years they have been able to really buckle down and save money for retirement, and as many of you know, that can be a little late. A cost of living decrease could only help them, right?

So they make the move across country to western Iowa...several weeks earlier than they had planned, as the Council Bluffs casino's need was so desperate and immediate. My dad's first task was training several people in casino management, so that they have a more rounded work force than they did before, and they weren't so dependent on him. This task was not an easy one, given the hostility of the other employees. I'm just guessing at the reason for the hostility, but I'm sure it has to do with feeling slighted that promotions were not done from within the casino, and instead some "hot shot" from the "big city" was brought in...and brought in at a higher rate of pay to boot.

Salaries are supposed to be confidential, of course, but during a meeting my dad had with his boss, a fellow manager sat in, and salary issues were discussed. How long do you think it took that other manager to be ticked off at the differential, and how much longer before he shared this information with the rest of the workforce...folks he had known for years and forged friendships with?

But my dad pressed on, and for five months imparted his 23 years of Las Vegas gaming experience to the Farrah's casino in Council Bluffs, which, by the way, was more experience, than the highest ranked employee in Council Bluffs. He changed his shift, his days off, and his duties several times to accommodate the needs and/or whims of upper management, so that the casino was getting what it needed out of him. He has always been a team player.

Then, they fired him. Without warning, without preamble, without much of anything at all...they fired him. The party line was that an employee made a mistake...a mistake, and he was the supervisor on duty, so he was being held responsible. No money was lost due to this mistake. No one stole anything. No one helped a player cheat. No one sexually harassed anyone. It was a matter of simple, human error.

According to their own employee handbook, a Farrah's employee should be given a first written warning, then a final written warning, and upon the third violation of policy, be terminated. This did not happen. Of course Iowa is a right to work state, so legally a company can fire you at any time for any reason, and they don't even have to follow their own handbook. Legality aside, the question is can they do it morally?

How can Farrah's justify practically begging this long-time, loyal employee, who had nary a whisper of misconduct or even simple, human error in his employee file after 11 years, to move half-way across the country to train their employees to do his job, then fire him, just, coincidentally, when the buy-out option on the Las Vegas house was coming up? The Council Bluffs casino did appear to be under some financial pressure from corporate, the economy being what it is. It doesn't seem like too much of a stretch to think they'd want to save themselves an expensive venture like that. I imagine that firing one of their highest paid employees, and triggering a tiny little clause in the relocation contract that makes 100% of the relocation costs already paid become repayable to the corporation, couldn't hurt the bottom line either, now that he has generously done his job by showing everyone else how to do his job.

They have moved a 57 year-old man away from the only industry he has worked in for 23 years, set him up with a big fat target on his head by sharing his salary with those who were paid less, taken advantage of his teamwork mentality, then fired him, knowing full well he has zero chance of getting a job at his current level in his current industry, in Council Bluffs; knowing he is too old to change careers, and too young to retire; knowing they will be adding insult to injury by tacking on a huge debt he has no prayer of repaying, in addition to two houses he cannot sell; knowing he will completely lose the little bit he has spent 57 years saving so that one day he may be able to retire.

My dad didn't deserve this. No one deserves this. It is beyond comprehension how people can be so cruel and heartless.

Tell me how this can be morally justifiable? How?

Of course many would say how could you expect a corporation that makes its millions by exploiting the vices of others to be moral in the first place? Good question, and one for which I have no answer.

The only thing I can say is that my whole life I have been told that the people in the middle of the country, the heartland, were the best people in the world. The big cities, especially those on the east coast, and west coast, they are full of corruption, but the country...that is where people really care about each other. That is where people are true neighbors...salt-of-the earth. Funny, that. In Las Vegas, Sin City, the place that is widely regarded as the most morally bankrupt city in the United States, my father never experienced such disregard for the human condition as he has in the Mid-West, where people, and even corporations, are supposed to be good and honest and upright.

My dad worked in the gaming industry, but he wasn't a gambler, and he certainly never expected to lose everything he worked so hard for to a casino.

Idol Chit Chat...8 of Each

I always look forward to March...and then I remember. The only thing worse than February...is March. Needless to say, I haven't much time for Idol chit chat, but I will do a quick run down:

The boys: I thought David Cook was the best...and hey, no attitude this week. How come the performers always think the judges are full of shit when they criticize the performance, but brilliant when they praise it? It is one or the other, folks! I think Luke (the pretty pony) and Danny (the overt, uhm, you know) are going home. Everyone else was decent, but not fabulous, if I'm being honest (nod to Simon).

The girls: Were MUCH better this week! The best were, gulp, Amanda (who would have thought THAT would happen) and Carly, but I do love both of the songs they sang, so I may be falsely swayed. In fact, I think the girls made much better song choices in general. I also liked...oh, what's her name? The pale skinny blond with the gigantic blue eyes. She sang an acoustic version of Love is a Battlefield that kicked ass. Paula was totally wrong when she said she should have used the band more.

Which begs the question, does Paula ever say anything of value? Ever? She's like a Mab Lib:

"You have so much (Choose from Column A) in your voice. You have such a (Column B) personality. You are a (Column C). I (Column D) you."

Column A
texture
color
boldness
beauty
sweetness

Column B
sparkling
sweet
spicy
dynamic
colorful

Column C
star
shining star
bright star
beautiful star
brilliant star

Column D
love
really love
really really love
seriously love
really seriously love

Such valuable words of wisdom from the drunk in the front. Thank you.

Anyway...going home for the girls I think is Kady (two trailer park girls go 'round the outside) and Sayesha...which sucks for her, because the wasted so much time talking about themselves last night (I played with Journey, you know, Dawg...Oh my gosh, no! I did not know that! I must have been in a coma the last 5,629 times you mentioned it. And Paula choreographed the video for that song. Really? Who the fuck cares? How did I sing?) that when she got done, the only thing the judges had time to say was "good." Nice feedback. That should take her far.