One More...

"Don't pretend. I think you know I'm damn precious. And, hell yeah, I'm the mother fuckin' princess."

I don't like too much music made in the last decade, but I can't resist a lyric like that!

Everybody's Groovin' Baby!

"Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated"

"If you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says 15 miles to the... Love Shack! Love Shack yeah "

I don't know why...so don't ask. Just go with it.

"Dude wanna hate on us...Dude need'a ease on up."

"Yeah, that’s the speed That’s what we do That’s who we be"

My iPod has gone insane.

Labor Day Weekend

Woo Hoo! Three day weekend. I should work, but as today officially ends 10 and 1/2 years of a "flex schedule," and Monday I start back to full time...I'm not gonna!

What I AM going to do...

• Try and finish up the last of the remodel project...at least for now. We are out of money, so the rest will have to wait!
• Shop...I have a coupon of one of my favorite stores! Wait...didn't I just say I was out of money?
• Spend time with family...CO's and mine.
• Last, but not least, college football starts. My beloved Alma Mater starts the season well ranked (very well ranked), which makes me nervous, and causes great stress and tension during the games. To the casual observer, it would seem like I am NOT having fun...but I LOVE it! AND I get to watch it on my new TV!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Guilt

I need some help here, people.

I have been lucky in my life to do very few things for which I feel guilty. It's not that I have been perfect...far from it. I think it is more that I am the queen of justification. Either way, I have not had much experience with guilt.

Of course, I did things as a younger person, which I now look back on and regret, but it seems a bit late for guilt, and at the time, being a young person, I was too stupid to know I should feel bad.

But now, I am experiencing some real, heartfelt, guilt, and even though some of my actions were justifiable, I can't justify them all, and I can't shake the guilt.

It plagues me. I rarely sleep through a night without it's presence, and whenever I am alone and left to my own thoughts, it invariably creeps in to keep me company.

So my question is...HOW do I get rid of it?

Oh, I know the party line...you must apologize for what you've done. Way ahead of you, peeps! I have apologized ad nauseum! The guilt is still there.

So what...WHAT do I do to get rid of the guilt? I know some of you are avid church- goers...certainly you have some insight into this dilemma? I was raised Catholic, and Lord knows the Catholics can do guilt, but I got over that Catholic guilt thing a long time ago, so I think I lost the lesson somewhere along the line.

Anyway...Help!

As an aside, this guilt thing leads me to wonder how on earth people do the things they do, and live with themselves? How do people commit crimes, or adultery, or just act like complete and total assholes all the time with no remorse whatsoever? My sin is nothing compared to this stuff, and I can;t stand the guilt. How do they live with it?

But I Saved The Dog

Okay, I JUST got into a car accident.

I was driving back to work with my friend D, when a little dog...a puppy, ran in front of my car. I stopped. The guy behind me did NOT.

My car is only mildly hurt...my spare tire took most of the impact, and the only dent is where the tire pushed into the back panel of my car. Yeah Jeep! Oh, and he tore a hole in my spare tire cover...my much beloved tire cover with my alma mater's logo on it. But D and I are fine, so THAT is the important thing.

The dude who hit me has much bigger problems than I. Still, he was actually very cool about the whole thing. I mean technically it was his fault and all, but still. His buddy alluded to the fact that I should have just hit the dog.

I couldn't hit the dog. Seriously. Gut reaction...dog runs in front of car, you try to stop. I don't think I could have played it any differently.

Tunes-day Tuesday

Music lyrics time again! I will give a lyric from each of the next 5 songs that random up on my iPod. Complete the lyric, give me the song's title, and tell me who sang it. We've got a wide range today...classic 80's hair band, 50's pop, some metal, 70's pop and classic rock.

1) Tastes so good make a grown man cry...

2) Chapter one says to love her, you love her with all your heart...

3) Rover, wanderer, nomad, vagabond...

4) I can't light no more of your darkness. All my pictures...

5) Valentine is done. Here but now they're gone. Romeo and Juliet...

Game on!

The BIG Screen

I think we may be the last people in America to get a big screen television. Our previously biggest screen was a 36".

Part of our whole remodel project has been to get a bigger tv. Our previous family room was long and narrow...not condusive to a big screen, but the new family room...a fatter rectangle that works!

So...Saturday, we finally got our BIG SCREEN and a surround sound system. It is so damn cool. I didn't want to come to work...I wanted to sit and stare at the glory that is a big screen.

I know for most of you, this is so five years ago, but for me...long awaited tv bliss!

Of course we spent all of our money, and can't quite finish refashioning what is now the old family room to it's new purpose. But it was so worth it!

Very Cool Music List

The kind people at It Comes In Pints have turned me on to a new blog... Michele at A Big Victory is doing a list of music.

Now those who know me know I love LISTS, and I love MUSIC so this is about perfect for little old me! She is doing a list of her favorite song by each of 300 bands. She is looking for suggestions and feedback, but even to just quietly read her choices, and the reasons for them is way cool.

To say her musical taste is diverse is an understatement. She takes eclectic to a whole new level. Reading through her list has reminded me of songs I haven't thought of in years, as well as turned me on to some I had never heard of before.

Anyway, music lovers...you MUST visit.

It is so cool, that I want to start my own list...but I am not nearly so well rounded, or so patient, so mine would be much shorter...but still some fun to do. I may have to be a thieving little copycat! It wouldn't be the first time!

A Thursday Update

Okay...here's where I'm at right now.

I had another phone interview today for a job in the mid-west. I am so confused. I had kind of put the mid-west thing to rest. Yes, I could have probably pursued more options (probably still can), but frankly, I am tired of this process. Interviewing sucks, and the back and forth of "should we stay or should we go now" is emotionally and mentally exhausting.

But my parents have decided that they are moving to the mid west for sure, so that changes things a bit. Also, there is some turmoil at CO's workplace that has us both very concerned for his future there.

Ughhhhh! This whole thing makes me want to take a nap!

And speaking of CO, can I just say how wonderful he is, please? He has been so great about the unfortunate events with his family...I couldn't have asked for more. I just adore him.

So that's where we be...today...this minute. Things have a way of changing very quickly 'round here. In an hour, things could be completely different.

Music Lyrics I

Just for fun...a lyric from the next 5 songs that random up on my iPod. Can you identify the song's title and artist?

Ready...Go!

1) We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind.

2) I've been alone too many nights to think that you could come back again

3) There was a day when I just had to tell my point of view

4) Lordy, I have loved some ladies, and I have loved Jim Beam

5) Softly you whisper, you're so sincere. How could our love be so blind?

Some of these are softballs! You can hit them!

Crouching Budget Hidden Costs

As one of the trade-offs for not moving, CO and I decided to do some home renovations, to make ourselves feel better about staying. So we decided what we wanted to do, then whittled that down to what we could afford to do...or should I say what we thought we could afford to do.

Why does everything cost more than you thought it should...even after you had done research to come up with the budget amount in the first place?

Oh, and there are always those items that were not in the budget...like a vet bill which left my already small budget $526 lighter. Hmmmph!

The worst of it is, I have no patience with this stuff. Once I get the vision in my head, I want it to look like that now...not next year, NOW! Unfortunately, my bank account does not subscribe to the vision in my head.

And the work and the mess just suck. I know it will be nice when it is done, but meanwhile...ugh!

My Redneck Ways

One of the things I got "in trouble for" on the blog of old, was the use of the term "Redneck". But I maintain that it was misunderstood. See, it is my contention that we all have a little redneck in us. We all do redneckish things...things that we probably enjoy immensely and maybe serve as our guilty pleasures.

For example, my good friend C was telling me that on hot days, she likes to fill her plastic kiddie pool...the one just big enough for her blow up raft, and relax in it. This apparently causes much head shaking from her husband, but C does not care. This is her pool, humble as it may be, and she is down to enjoy it!

So in honor of the family reunion that I am missing this weekend, where I know some redneckish behavior will be exhibited, I am going to unashamedly reveal my deepest, darkest redneck secret for your amusement.

Ready? Here goes...

CO and I go the NHRA races every year. NO that is NOT the redneck part. Anyway, we go to the Las Vegas races and we camp in the RV park attached to the track. And NO that is not it either! I'm getting to it! Just hang on!

Since we camp, we bring food and beverages to live on for the four days we are there. Yes I said four...no that is not the redneck part either! Gah! The food and drinks inside the races are pricey, especially those of an alcoholic nature, as they are at any entertainment venue, so we often go back to the RV to snack, drink, etc.

Now we would like to enjoy the beer and the races at the same time, which we cannot do from the RV, so as neccessity is the mother of invention, I have found that I can...fit two longneck bottles of beer in my bra for sneaking into the races. Yep...TWO! In the bra. It has to be a certain bra, but I can do it.

Now the really pretty part of this is when we get to our seats and I, uhm, pull them out. The bottles, not the bre*asts! I try to do it as discretely as possible, but let's face it, someone is going to notice.

If it is a man who notices, I invariably get the look of admiration and approval...the "Damn fine woman who can enjoy an NHRA race, and smuggle beer in her bra" look. If it is a woman, I get either the horrified and disgusted look or the mildly jealous, "I'll have to try that myself" look.

Anyway...there it is. I ain't too proud to admit it, because that beer goes down mighty fine, my friends. I will blissfully embrace my inner redneck when the situation is called for.

I invite you all to share your secret redneck behavior. You know you have some! Even those Snobby McSnoots out there who like to think they are too good for NHRA races and beer.

Missing You

My family is having a reunion this weekend...and I don't get to go! I am in full pout right about now.

I hate living so far away...I am so isolated from everyone. I am one of only two family members (other than my husband and kids) to have lived out of my family's "home state" my entire life...and the only one to live outside the mid-west my entire life. It makes me feel like an outsider, even though no one treats me that way. This is purely me...my insecurities.

Okay...I am apparently in full pout, and throwing myself a pity party. How pretty!

In the mean time, I am making CO take me out of town for the weekend, to distract me from the pouting...and the pity.

We are going to one of my favorite places in the whole world, so that should help...a little.

I am so Smart - S-M-R-T

From Ken, who has more common sense.

BUT when it comes to sports knowledge...



How many women can say that?

Where do you rank? Link: Am-I-Dumb.com - Are you dumb?

Perspective

You know things happen to make you feel sorry for yourself. And then things happen to make you stop.

My friend's granddaughter went in to have some skin cancer spots removed from her face. Once they started the process, they realized it was much worse than anticipated. She has now had a large portion of her face removed, including tissue, nerves and bone. The nerves that allow her to smile have been removed from her face, so no longer can she perform that essential function we all take for granted.

That's not even the worst part. The worst part is, she hasn't got much to smile about. After all of this, they have now determined the cancer has spread to her brain, and it may not be operable.

Oh wait, that isn't even the worst part. The very worst part...she is 24 years old.

Makes most of our problems seem insignificant by comparison, doesn't it?

Hmmmmm

Well the results of the first round of interviews from the mid-west were a bust. It seems last year's plethora of tax manager jobs have been filled, and the remaining ones are still open because they want to play low ball.

I have a few resumes still floating around, but I suspect more of the same from them.

I knew I was taking a risk by not pursuing the jobs last year, when there were like six listings in each city, but we wanted to wait for Melvin to graduate. Turns out I did miss the boat. You mean I wasn't the only person on the planet who saw what a great opportunity this was. Gah!

What's more, I met with the partners of DUH (my current firm) today, and I wasn't so thrilled by their proposal either. They want me to work more, but cut what would be my hourly rate (if I were an hourly employee). Oh yeah...gimme some of that!

I waited too long. Plain and simple. Not only for the reasons listed above, but also for the fact that I find myself in a no-man's-land experience-wise. I have too much, and not enough, if that makes sense. I should have left DUH five years ago, but I was a fool for the loyalty bit, and a fat lot of good it has done me.

The real bummer...I turned down my best offer, because of the "bad vibe" I was getting. I don't regret that. It was important to trust my gut. But still!

I started this job hunt with the false assumption that when all was said and done, one option would be the clear winner. That has not happened. Instead, I have a bunch of losers. I was not expecting that. From here it is all a leap of faith...something I have always been low on.

All hope is not lost, but it is looking more and more like we will be staying where we are. An unfortunate turn of events, I agree. I just have to make myself believe that there is a purpose behind all of this. It's just hard to see right now.