One of the things I got "in trouble for" on the blog of old, was the use of the term "Redneck". But I maintain that it was misunderstood. See, it is my contention that we all have a little redneck in us. We all do redneckish things...things that we probably enjoy immensely and maybe serve as our guilty pleasures.
For example, my good friend C was telling me that on hot days, she likes to fill her plastic kiddie pool...the one just big enough for her blow up raft, and relax in it. This apparently causes much head shaking from her husband, but C does not care. This is her pool, humble as it may be, and she is down to enjoy it!
So in honor of the family reunion that I am missing this weekend, where I know some redneckish behavior will be exhibited, I am going to unashamedly reveal my deepest, darkest redneck secret for your amusement.
Ready? Here goes...
CO and I go the NHRA races every year. NO that is NOT the redneck part. Anyway, we go to the Las Vegas races and we camp in the RV park attached to the track. And NO that is not it either! I'm getting to it! Just hang on!
Since we camp, we bring food and beverages to live on for the four days we are there. Yes I said four...no that is not the redneck part either! Gah! The food and drinks inside the races are pricey, especially those of an alcoholic nature, as they are at any entertainment venue, so we often go back to the RV to snack, drink, etc.
Now we would like to enjoy the beer and the races at the same time, which we cannot do from the RV, so as neccessity is the mother of invention, I have found that I can...fit two longneck bottles of beer in my bra for sneaking into the races. Yep...TWO! In the bra. It has to be a certain bra, but I can do it.
Now the really pretty part of this is when we get to our seats and I, uhm, pull them out. The bottles, not the bre*asts! I try to do it as discretely as possible, but let's face it, someone is going to notice.
If it is a man who notices, I invariably get the look of admiration and approval...the "Damn fine woman who can enjoy an NHRA race, and smuggle beer in her bra" look. If it is a woman, I get either the horrified and disgusted look or the mildly jealous, "I'll have to try that myself" look.
Anyway...there it is. I ain't too proud to admit it, because that beer goes down mighty fine, my friends. I will blissfully embrace my inner redneck when the situation is called for.
I invite you all to share your secret redneck behavior. You know you have some! Even those Snobby McSnoots out there who like to think they are too good for NHRA races and beer.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
That is fairly impressive but I suppose they'd probably warm up to an undrinkable temperature if you left them in there too long.
I have on occasion, when wearing clothes with no pockets, dropped my keyring down my front (to be held in place by the elastic band of my bra, between the "girls."). Of course extricating the keys can be a bit embarrassing if, for example, a male colleague asks to borrow them for a moment (and turning around doesn't help much..."Why are they WARM?")
That's a talent of which to be proud! My redneck ways are to numerous to mention, but I ascribe to the Jeff Foxworthy definition of redneck: A glorious lack of sophistication.
I don't know that there's a better definition for me.
As an attendee of the reunion, I can asure you that there were LOTS of redneckish things going on!
As for the beer trick.... you MUST show us how you do it at the next reunion!
Since I come from the land of rednecks, I have far too many traits and tricks to mention. I agree with Cullen that Jeff Foxworthy got it right.
Thanks for not mocking my talent! And yes, Ricki, you are right...they need to be drunk quickly or they do warm up. This is a means of transport, not storage.
"A glorious lack of sophistication" That is perfect...and that is ME!
My dad keeps score at a tractor pull.
I have so many Snobby McSnobberson tendencies, I'm ashamed.
But I put my keys inside the waistband of my no-pocket shorts when I go for a walk. So they don't jingle, you know?
I forget that people are looking and adjust my underwear – usually on the same walk.
The beer thing is truly impressive. In fact, I may have to learn that, just so I can carry one for emergencies.
Because there's always a beer emergency.
Post a Comment